History was made on tonight's episode of Survivor: One World.
As host Jeff Probst, literally stunned speechless, said, "In 24 seasons and some 400 tribal councils, never has a tribe arrived at Tribal Council [this way]."
And how they got there was just as shocking as what happened when their tongues started wagging—specifically, the incarnation of Hilly Holbrook, The Help's racist socialite…
That would be Queen Colton, who persuaded his tribe—including the guys on the chopping block—to unanimously agree to give up their immunity and replace the losing women's tribe at Tribal Council.
Why did the tribe sabotage themselves with such a bold and unprecedented move?
Because "yo bro" Bill irritated Colton. After referring to the [air quotes] "struggling stand-up comic" last week as "ghetto trash" and suggesting he should kill himself, tonight Colton declared, "I want his head on a platter."
And his tribe gave it to him.
Things really spiraled out of control after Leif "wowed" wide-eyed Bill by revealing that Colton wanted him out. Naturally, the laid-back dude approached Colton to "handle it like adults, bro" but the diva refused his offer to "squash some beef between us."
"I've always been able to get people to do what I want, and I want Bill gone," Colton decreed. "I'm running this entire show right now. If you can't see that, then you are Helen Keller."
To show he was a separate-but-equal-opportunity offender, Colton referred to Leif as an annoying little Oompa Loompa, telling Mike, "That little munchkin is about to get knocked back to Oz."
And, believing Leif was actually the target, Bill figured it "serves my purpose immensely" to vote with the tribe to go to Tribal Council and punish Leif for his betrayal.
Even Jay, who was "completely bum-puzzled" by the plan, agreed because—like the others—he didn't want a target on his back.
Thus the ladies—who won a tarp in the Reward Challenge but lost immunity in a blowout that, Jeff said "barely qualified as a challenge" when Alicia and Chelsea were, frankly, "bum-puzzled" by the puzzle—stayed at camp. Only time will tell whether Alicia, whom Sabrina called "deadweight with a mouth" will continue to be targeted for her "repulsive" attitude.
And so, while everyone sipped Colton's Kool-Aid around the campfire, Bill tried to make peace not war—but the privileged white Southern boy wasn't interested in connecting with a broke guy who sleeps on his friend's sofas while pursuing his dream.
"Yes, I did go to a private all-white school," Colton acknowledged, "but I do have African-American people in my life."
When Jeff asked who, Colton giggled before admitting:
But wait, there's more.
"But she's like a member of our family," he insisted.
"A paid member," interjected Jeff.
"Well, she doesn't work for free," responded Colton. (Maybe the Cumbie family even allows her to use their bathroom!)
The bourgeois boy had an equally classist reply when Jeff asked if he was judged by others because he is gay:
"The people I associate with—yeah, y'all can say country club people, whatever—but I feel like they have more educated thoughts and ideas and are more open and accepting of things. The ones who have a problem with it are the ones riding around in their jacked-up trucks with their Rebel flags hanging in the back and they go home to their trailers at night."
We don't know what's more appalling: Colton's comments or "crusty ass" Tarzan's brainwashed defense of his cult leader. "Colton has been painted in the wrong light," he said, shutting down Jeff's attempts at a dialogue with a diatribe on American race relations:
"The whole thing about race irks me—I'm fed up with people talking about race," groused the chest-thumper. "I want people to base what they think about somebody on how they behave and what their merits are. I think the country is moving in that direction. We have a black president."
That may be so, but the only direction Colton is moving is backward.
Here's hoping someday Colton eats his words—or at least a couple slices of Minny's special chocolate pie.
Colton's had his say (and how)—now it's your turn. Good ole country boy or bourgeois bigot? Sound off in the comments!