Prepare yourself: Worst. Question. Ever.
‘Cause there's no sexy Sarah Palin to save you from this round of Ditch, Do or Marry. It's been too long since we last played our fave game, so in honor of Super Tuesday going down this week—and inspired by one truly evil reader—we're pitting those GOP guys plaguing the news against each other.
Not for president though, but to find out which guy you'd kick to the curb and which you'd keep forever. Between…
Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich.
First up is Romney, who won Super Tuesday and seems to have the best chance of scoring that gig in the White House—though we use that term only relative to the other contenders and not to say he actually has a chance at being our next President—so keep that in mind, potential First Ladies (sorry, Ann).
Cons? He's Mormon (startlingly homophobic organization) and likes to make ads about how wrong gay marriage is, for one. But on the bright side, he's rich as hell—seriously, millions upon millions—and he's got a decent head of hair and a good tan.
Then there's Santorum, who's sitting in Mitt's shadow. He doesn't seem to like gays (or their rights to marriage or ability to serve in the army, though he does know you can't tell a gay by the color of their skin), thinks college is for snobs, is arguably racist and if you're a woman? He definitely has opinions on your rights.
So say adios to your birth control (he doesn't believe in it) and say hello to having two handfuls of kids (he's already got 7). Pros? He too has a good head of hair! And at a spry 53, he's the youngest of the bunch.
Last but not least, there's good old Newty. Though he may often trail Ron Paul in polls, Gingrich (who became a contender in the race after Herman Cain dropped out) has more of a media splash, though he's trailing very far behind in the current crop.
Cons? He has a habit of ditching wives for even younger women (he's done it twice before) and his ex-wife Marianne Gingrich told Nightline he's a fan of open marriages. Pros? You guessed it, that mop of grey hair ain't half bad.
So those are your contenders, Awful readers, and now it's your turn to pick which Republi-dude you'd want to tie the knot with, which you'd like for a night of sweet, sweet lovin' (takes all kinds) and which you want to leave behind forever.
While our bleeding liberal hearts wait, let your heart guide you as you get to clickin'!