So pint-size party machine Snooki is pregnant. Is anyone doing anything to make sure she doesn't get wasted while carrying this baby? Are child protection services doing anything? Please tell me yes.
—Arlene, Pennsylvania, via the inbox
According to our Marc Malkin, Snooki expects to pop out her own li'l juicehead (or mini-poof-bearing guidette) in another five to six months.
And while it's assumed that America's favorite Italian-by-way-of-Chile is now laying off the Ron-Ron Juice, I called local child protective services people anyway. You know, just to see if they've got a weather eye on this situation (but not The Situation)...
For this story, I reached out to New York state, because that's the most likely place where Snooki would settle down or live once her current shooting schedule wraps. (She is currently said to reside in Marlboro, N.Y.)
So is the state eyeballing Snooki's belly for signs of partying? Here's what I was told: Fuhgettaboutit.
"The New York Statewide Central Register of Child Abuse and Maltreatment does not accept reports involving the unborn," spokeswoman Pat Cantiello tells me. "There is no basis for the SCR to take a report until a child is born alive. Since the SCR won't take the report, local child protective services would not get involved."
In other words, Snooki could be indulging in her favorite bomb in a glass, every hour on the hour, and CPS wouldn't intervene.
Not until after the Snooklet was born, at least. For, once a baby is born, it won't matter whether the mother is famous or not: CPS tends to take any allegation of abuse seriously. Take the case of Mariah Carey. Shortly after the birth of her twins, Moroccan and Monroe, CPS showed up at the hospital, according to the kids' father, Nick Cannon.
"Child protective services were called with allegations that, you know, there was some drinking and drugs and all that going on while in the hospital, which makes no sense to me," said Cannon. "Like, how would a hospital even allow that?"