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    Afternoon Mail! Is Crotch Uh-Lastic About to Go Up In Smoke…Or Down in Flames?!

    Blind Vice soft drug

    Dear Ted:
    So with Crotch Uh-Lastic being "strung out" is he just a stoner or is he into harder drugs these days?
    —Concerned Fan

    Dear Gateway Vicer:
    Stoner biz would be a blessing at this point. Whereas Crotch used to love going out with palsand coming home with a boy or twohe's moved on to the harder stuff. And it's showing. Hate to say it, but I think Hollywood has definitely gotten to CU-L.

    Dear Ted:
    I am curious about Debbie Doobie. Does she have a role in a big movie franchise? Perhaps adapted from a very popular book series?
    —Shannon

    READ: Blind Vice! Veronica Bee-Stings Hides Dirty Past to Land New Hunk

    Dear Subtlety Doesn't Suit You:
    Would you by chance be referring to Ms. Jennifer Lawrence? If so, then the answer is no. The Hunger Games hottie is not our secret cokehead. And it's not Kristen Stewart either, if you are thinking of a more vampy franchise.

    Dear Ted:
    Loved your dish on the delightfully Vicey CW. I wonder if Paul Wesley's Vice is more similar to Jensen Ackles' or to his onscreen bro Ian Somerhalder's BV? Also how aware or involved is the lovely Nina Dobrev when it comes to Ian's Vicey business?
    Mike

    Dear Fang Bangers Unite:
    Paul's Vicey ways are definitely more similar to Ian's. Actually, they're the exact same! As for Ms. Nina? She's in the know…and in on the Vice. Probably makes shooting those sexy EW covers easier, since they're all so close!

    Dear Ted:
    I'm very interested to hear that John Stamos' Vice is a fan-favorite. Any hints for this serial dog-rescuer? Also, while we are talking Johns…does Johnny Depp have any sexy monikers?
    —P

    READ: Vanessa Paradis: Rumors of Johnny Depp Split Are "False"

    Dear A John By Any Other Name:
    Hmmm, let me think of a clue worthy of your puppy love, P. Mr. Stamos' starring Vice was ages ago…but he made an unnamed appearance in a more recent Vice that was far juicier. Johnny, on the other hand, has no moniker.

    Dear Ted:
    A reader suggested Ricky Martin for Sexiest Man and asked why a gay man can't be named. Which got me wondering…has a gay man ever been named Sexiest Man Alive? Take care!
    —Betting I Know

    Dear Betting You Do Know:
    Yes.

    Dear Ted:
    I have the most curious rescue in the world, White Tail. He wants to know if his favorite, Jackie Bouffant, has a new beard yet and is he with the same boyfriend you mentioned? White Tail's begging for an answer! Love ya!
    Owner of White Tail

    Dear Love Ya More:
    And kisses to White Tail. And some kisses to Jackie too for staying faithful to his BF…even if it is just behind-the-scenes. And without a beard too! What a brave little hottie that Bouffant is!

    PHOTOS: Blind Vice Superstars!

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