Dear Ted:
Ted, I have two questions on Topher Hairy-Tuchus: has he ever been married? And was he at last night's Golden Globes?
—Lyn
Dear Toph Tying The Knot:
Yep, dude was married once before but only for a short time. As for the Globes? We doubt Toph would miss that kind of opportunity to show-off his sexiness!
Dear Ted:
Are Topher Hairy-Tuchus and King Schlong friends? Do they hook up with each other? In your so humble opinion, how hot would that hook up be? Thanks for the gossip!
—Angela
Dear Friendly Vicers:
You're right in guessing Schlong and Topher are friends—in fact, they're very close. Tough call if they've ever hooked up, but I wouldn't be surprised, even though Topher's much hotter than the King in my opinion.
Dear Ted:
OK, you've teased about Rooney Mara's Blind Vice, without giving hints to what it is. Rooney Mara describes herself as quiet and shy, and is considered to be a newcomer to the Hollywood scene, so is her Vice something old or newly developed? How shocking would her Blind Vice be and is it well known in Hollywood community? She's been dating the same dull, clean cut guy for what seems like a very long time for Hollywood stars, so nothing interesting there or am I wrong?
—Piqued curiosity
Dear Vicey Vixen:
Mara's been Vicing around for awhile, but she's stepped up her game now that she's an A-list star. And trust, it's a very juicy Vice that's about to get even naughtier. Stay tuned!
Dear Ted:
Would you say that Jerry Rock-Butt's older ex has curves like Beyonce, or more like Kristen Stewart? Thanks Ted!
—Nic
Dear Girl Look At That Body:
Definitely more like Kristen Stewart. Gal's certainly an in-shape celeb. And you're welcome!
Dear Ted:
Angelina Jolie looked quite beautiful and healthy at the Golden Globes. Has she turned a new leaf and put her Vice behind her? She seems to suffer from so much bad publicity against her, yet I think she is a fantastic mother.
—S
Dear Mommy Dearest:
I'll level with you, S, Ang is fabulous mother and she and Brad really love their brood. But, I do wish she'd put on a few pounds. As for her Vice? Gal's laying low for now—six kids, a new film, and traveling the world hardly leaves much time for Vicey behavior.
Dear Ted:
Why is Jackie Bouffant laying so low lately? Please find out!
—V
Dear Come Out:
Dude's hardly laying low—he's just upped his game when it comes to hiding his Vicey behavior. But don't worry, V, guy's a rising star and mega heartthrob, so don't expect him to lay low for much longer.