The Golden Globes lured Hollywood's biggest stars such as Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Lea Michele, George Clooney, Sofia Vergara, Reese Witherspoon, Leonardo DiCaprio for a night of glitz, glamour and an open bar—so who did host Ricky Gervais insult first?
If you guessed Dame Helen Mirren, Justin Bieber or Jodie Foster (and her Beaver), you were on to something.
Read on for the best, the worst and the most memorable moments of the Golden Globes...
Best Opener: "So where was I?" asked a gleeful Gervais, who improbably came back after last year's controversial and entertaining hosting duties.
Some of our favorite bits from tonight included:
"For those of you who don't know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars—without all that esteem."
"The Hollywood Foreign Press have warned me that if I insult any of you, or any of them, or offend any viewers or cause controversy whatsoever...they'll definitely invite me back again next year as well."
And then Gervais asked Johnny Depp a penetrating question, had Depp yet seen The Tourist, a film that Gervais had mercilessly mocked last year? Depp's response killed: "Uh, no." (Us, too!)
Bravest Appearance: Actors are always being called "brave" for pretending to do things with the help of makeup artists, stunt doubles and craft services, but we will definitely give props to Ashton Kutcher for showing up in the same room as Gervais.
Worst Teleprompter Fail: Rob Lowe and Julianne Moore were faced with no words to say and still found a way to be funny and charming despite seeming to have no idea what they were supposed to be talking about it. Nice save, guys.
And Speaking of Stealing Scenes...Paul Giamatti seemed to be having a fascinating conversation with his voluminous beard (or possibly its inhabitants...or a pal offscreen) while the camera was supposed to be paying attention to one fo the Best Actress nominees. Now, when your beard can captivate an audience, that's some good acting.
Cool Category: The Wire's Idris Elba and Dominic West were up against each other once again—with the added draw of Downton Abbey dreamboat Hugh Bonneville—in the super-British miniseries category.
OMG Moment: Brad Pitt came out and talked about stuff in his super deep dreamboat voice with reaction shots from Angelina Jolie and George Clooney. Everyone's a winner.
Cane Mutiny: Clooney's walking shtick with Pitt's pilfered cane was totally silly, but just the kind of goofing around that makes the Globes the loosest and most fun of the award shows.
Worst Rising Star Award: The star of 50/50 had this to say while standing next to Kate Beckinsale: "Hello, I'm Seth Rogen and I'm currently trying to conceal a massive erection." Perhaps the only thing that saved it from being a TMI moment was Beckinsale's gradual collapse into hysterics—and the fact that everyone exaggerates in Hollywood.
And I'd Like to Thank the Old Gods: Best Supporting Actor winner Peter Dinklage thanked Game of Thrones novelist George R.R. Martin, and nerds everywhere were cheering. We know because we could hear them rattling their plastic longswords all around our office.
Worst Attempt at Feigning Interest—or a Pulse: Though wonderfully hammy onstage, reaction shots of a half-asleep Dustin Hoffman made it look like he wanted to be anywhere but at the Golden Globes.
Biggest Surprise: Was it Homeland winning the TV drama award? We're going to say yes.
Crowd-Pleasing Reaction: Octavia Butler seemed be saying "He's cuute" when Channing Tatum came onstage, and frankly, we're pretty sure she wasn't the only one.
God, the President and a Sexy Vampire: Dame Helen Mirren could have spared us the silly English driving joke during the Morgan Freeman tribute, but the whole thing was saved by Freeman's own long career, his personal dignity and that Electric Company clip of him as a vampire taking a bubble bath in a casket.
Toughest Call: We're really glad that the deeply, richly entertaining and fun Adventures of Tintin got recognized, but it's too bad that the weird, funny and original Rango got shut out.
Best Onscreen Couple: Married people Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy performed a duet as they announced the actresses in the category Jessica Lange ultimately won, which was not only good, but cute like only an old(er!) married couple can be.
Totally Speechless! We really liked hearing The Artist star Jean Dujardin speak as he accepted his award, but he loved that he finished his speech—silently. That was only topped by the appearance of the film's charismatic dog later onstage.
Second Worst Introduction: The repeated references to Melissa McCarthy's, er, scene involving a sink in Bridesmaids probably made for some uncomfortable small talk at her table.
Absolutely Worst Introduction: Gervais actually made us feel bad for the universally beloved Colin Firth by describing him as a racist, blind kitten puncher. Seriously, Ricky? You totally forgot to mention Firth hates freedom, too.
And what did you think was the best and worst of the night? Hit the comments!