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    Afternoon Mail! Are Katy Perry Parents Already Playing Matchmaker?

    Katy Perry, Tim Tebow John Shearer, Cindy Ord/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    Is there any truth to the rumors that Katy Perry's parents are trying to set her up with Tim Tebow? What do you think about that?
    Gator Fan

    Dear Matchmaker:
    I think Tim should be reserved for Taylor Swift , don't you? Much better fit. But really think about what you're asking: Do you really think Katy would listen to her ‘rents, who have dubious records with not only anti-Semitism but with peddling merchandise that cashes in on their Katy connection? In short: yes, I do believe it's true the elder Perry's want Tim for a son-in-law (they could sell him out, too, writing "Christian" books about him!), but Katy will run from that pronto. As she should.

    Dear Ted:
    What's up with Robert Pattinson? Why the buzz cut? It made me think of people who chop off their locks when there's some major drama in their life (i.e. Britney, Dianna, etc.). Also, how is he doing with the news of his BFF Tom Sturridge's impending daddy-hood?
    —Kay

    READ: Katy Perry Tweets People's Choice Awards Thanks After Ceremony No-Show

    Dear Down Girl:
    Look, Robert's never had a great track record with his hair, we all know that. But it's just as often to do with a movie part as it is with the fact that he's not exactly the world's biggest fan of grooming, so I wouldn't worry, if I were you. On that note, this latest buzz job totally fits a dude who just doesn't like to fuss once he gets out of the shower. Of course, R.Pattz doesn't like the latter that much either, so makes even more sense! This is not a total-crackers Brit-Brit bald moment, I assure you. And Rob is ecstatic for Tom's upcoming baby with Sienna Miller. Really.

    Dear Ted:
    What happened? Angelina Jolie threaten you somehow? Did the Pitt-Jolie band of lawyers begin to stalk your movements? It was obvious for years you did not buy into the sainthood of Angelina but now you've begun to mellow out. Does this mean F la F has turned into a good girl and we should forgive her trespasses?
    —Rhonda1024

    Dear Coded:
    "F la F"? Who's that? Do you mean Fake à la Ferocity? You're so busy being (wrongly) clever, I'm not really sure. I have not heard from either Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie's lawyers, nor am I trembling waiting for such. I simply said Angelina directed a great movie, end of story. Did you even see In the Land of Milk and Honey? I doubt it. Otherwise, you'd be giving the first-time director some kudos, too, I would think. This, of course, has nothing to do with Brad and Angie's love life, which I still have a hunch will ended sadly when Angelina goes her own way.

    Dear Ted:
    If Tom Cruise and Keith Urban ever run into each other, can you predict what their conversation would involve, other than figuring out who is taller?
    TS

    Dear Funny:
    Conversation would have nothing to do with height and everything to do with who's got more gray hair now (Keith).

    Dear Ted:
    Can you clear this issue up? Jerry Rock-Butt's ex is curvy and older, right? Or are there two exes you are talking about? Your followers can't seem to agree! I believe you meant one person. Does Darren Criss have a Blind Vice? There are so many rumors about him that I can't help but be curious!
    New Fan

    Dear Welcome Aboard:
    In order you mentioned: yes, no, wouldn't be the first time, I did, no, I know, so it'll be super soon, girlfriend, smooch-smooch!

    Dear Ted:
    I've got a better casting choice than Lindsay Lohan in the Liz Taylor-Richard Burton biopic: Kate Winslet as La Taylor. And how about Christian Bale as Sir Richard with Jane Seymour as Sybil Burton and Joseph Gordon-Levitt for Eddie Fisher?
    —X

    Dear Great Minds:
    Fabulous, all of it! But this genius casting does sound a tad familiar.

    PHOTOS: Katy Perry & Russell Brand: Romance Rewind

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