Maybe Katy Perry shouldn't have skipped the 2012 People's Choice Awards.
Wouldn't collecting on five of seven nominations, including Favorite Female Artist, have cheered her up?! But then again, Favorite Movie Actor Johnny Depp wasn't even there, so maybe she didn't miss out on too much...
What Perry most certainly did miss, however, was a breezy, fun evening full of lighthearted ribbing, a parade of stars based largely on who's got a movie or show coming out, a smattering of awards also based on who's available to show up, and How I Met Your Mother's first win in six tries for Favorite Network TV Comedy.
And in a non-eligible year for Twilight, there had to be something for Robert Pattinson to do, right?!
Of course! The British heartthrob—seated next to Betty White and sporting a questionable buzz cut—was on hand to accept the Favorite Drama Movie Award for the apparently somewhat-seen Water for Elephants.
The unequivocal hit Bridesmaids was named Favorite Comedy Movie. Maya Rudolph, Ellie Kemper, Wendi McClendon-Covey and director Paul Feig burst into an impromptu performance of Wilson Philips' "Hold On"—and producer Judd Apatow did his best to keep up, but it was obvious he wasn't as well-versed in the 1980s classic as the rest.
"Wow!" Apatow exclaimed. "Thank you very much. I don't know why they asked me to accept it, it's really a lot of other people's work. When I was doing this movie, it was so much fun doing it, but I was always saying to everyone I didn't even care if anyone saw it. But," he quickly added, "now that people have seen it and are giving awards for it, I'm even more thankful for the whole experience."
Adam Sandler, winner for Favorite Comedic Movie Actor for the second straight year despite Jack and Jill, donned a suit in real life for the second time and read the heartfelt speech he had prepared for "you, the so-called people."
For the first time, Sandler sweetly thanked his public-school teachers, including "Always Smiling Guy With the Plaid Pants" and "Mr. Gym Shorts With the Tip Hanging Out," the latter of which got quite the laugh from Pattinson.
The lovely Emma Stone was named Favorite Movie Actress and Comedic Movie Actress, having impressed in both The Help and Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Speaking of Betty White before, you can bet your sweet britches that Hot in Cleveland was named Favorite Cable TV Comedy. The almost-nonagenerian star joined her fellow castmates-of-a-certain-age in accepting.
"This is so encouraging to a bunch of fresh-faced newcomers like us," Wendy Malick said. "She drinks a lot," Betty chimed in.
"And lastly, happy 90th birthday to Betty White next week," Jane Leeves added, prompting a standing ovation.
"Ninety just happened, I didn't do anything!" the Golden Girl protested.
"When I found out I'd been nominated for the first-ever People's Choice Movie Icon award, I decided to look up 'icon,'" the sonorous Oscar winner began. "So, here's what I found: The first definition says an icon is a tiny picture on a computer screen that represents a file. Well!
"The second definition says, an icon is an image of someone who is saintly. The third definition says an icon is someone representative of something. All right. So, if I represent something, here's what I hope it is: To all of you who were kind enough to vote for me, I hope I represent a working actor who is so incredibly proud to be in this business, humbled and honored to be mentioned in the same company as my fellow nominees, and forever grateful for this honor. Thank you so much."
We imagine that next year he'll be winning the People's Choice Award for Favorite Speech.
Fans of The Hunger Games, i.e. everyone, were also given a little thrill—not to mention a possible preview of People's Choice (and MTV Movie and Teen Choice) Award recipients to come—when costars Liam Hemsworth and Jennifer Lawrence teamed up (and looked damn hot doing so) to present Favorite TV Drama Actress to Nina Dobrev.
Who, FYI, was happily seated next to Ian Somerhalder, despite buzz that the cute couple are on the outs.
Neil Patrick Harris, freshly out of Gleehab (where bad former awards-show hosts are sent when they just can't stop trying to steal the spotlight from other hosts), was named Favorite TV Comedy Actor—which we fully expected, considering he was there.
"The three people most important in my life are David Burtka and my twins, Gideon and Harper, who better be asleep right now...in the limo at the valet outside," Harris deadpanned.
Lea Michele, who may actually need Gleehab one day, won for Favorite TV Comedy Actress.
The always-entertaining Ellen DeGeneres picked up her third Waterford-crystal trophy, this time for Favorite Daytime TV Host (the nomenclature is always evolving, you know).
The cast of Favorite Cable TV Drama Pretty Little Liars was tasked with naming a handful of winners in absentia, including Favorite TV Celebreality Star Kim Kardashian and Favorite R&B Artist Rihanna.
Demi Lovato, looking resplendent in red, performed her new single "Give Your Heart a Break" and also picked up the trophy for Favorite Pop Artist.
"The artists I was up against are people I look up to and aspire to be one day," the 19-year-old said admiringly of the likes of Katy Perry and Beyoncé, neither of whom were in the house tonight, for understandable reasons. "And I won this award because of my fans. I dedicate this to you guys. You guys are absolutely amazing."
Here's the complete list of winners from the 38th Annual People's Choice Awards:
Movie: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Movie Actor: Johnny Depp
Movie Actress: Emma Stone
Movie Icon: Morgan Freeman
Action Movie: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Action Star: Hugh Jackman
Drama Movie: Water for Elephants
Comedy Movie: Bridesmaids
Comedic Movie Actor: Adam Sandler
Comedic Movie Actress: Emma Stone
Ensemble Movie Cast: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Movie Star Under 25: Chloë Moretz
Animated Movie Voice: Johnny Depp as Rango, Rango
Movie Superhero: Ryan Reynolds, Green Lantern
Favorite Book Adaptation: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Network TV Drama: Supernatural
TV Drama Actor: Nathan Fillion
TV Drama Actress: Nina Dobrev
Cable TV Drama: Pretty Little Liars
Network TV Comedy: How I Met Your Mother
TV Comedy Actor: Neil Patrick Harris
TV Comedy Actress: Lea Michele
Cable TV Comedy: Hot in Cleveland
TV Competition Show: American Idol
TV Crime Drama: Castle
Sci-Fi/Fantasy Show: Supernatural
Daytime TV Host: Ellen DeGeneres
Late Night TV Host: Jimmy Fallon
TV Guest Star: Katy Perry, How I Met Your Mother
TV Celebreality Star: Kim Kardashian
New TV Drama: Person of Interest
New TV Comedy: 2 Broke Girls
Favorite Male Artist: Bruno Mars
Female Artist: Katy Perry
Song of the Year: "E.T.," Katy Perry, featuring Kanye West
Album of the Year: Born This Way, Lady Gaga
Pop Artist: Demi Lovato
Hip-Hop Artist: Eminem
R&B Artist: Rihanna
Band: Maroon Five
Country Artist: Taylor Swift
Music Video: "Last Friday Night (TGIF)," Katy Perry
Tour Headliner: Katy Perry