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    Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Hawaiian Recap: Mauricio's Shirtless! Brandi's Teeny Bikini!

    Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, December 12th BRAVO

    Aloha!

    The gang is Hawaii bound on tonight's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. But this is no Brady Bunch Tiki trip. The getaway, to celebrate Mauricio Umansky's birthday, is first class all the way (minus one budget island hopper).

    However, not all of the usual suspects make it to the tropics. Taylor Armstrong is still persona non grata among her 90210 pals because of her hubby's threatening email to Camille Grammer. And Kim Richards seems determined to prove she's physically incapable of actually following through on any travel plans.

    But who needs 'em?! Whatever tonight's show might be lacking in drama, it makes up for with plenty of eye candy!

    MORE: So True? So False? Did Real Housewives of Beverly Hills's Brandi Glanville Tie the Knot?

    Kyle Richards' streak as the Bev Hills housewife with the hottest husband shows no sign of slowing as Mauricio walks into their bedroom topless and sweaty from a workout. Did Bravo producers push him to do it? Who cares? It may be the man's birthday but the show's giving back to us all. And judging by scenes from next week's episode, the skin fest continues for Umansky fans.  

    But not everybody appreciates a set of golden abs. After Brandi compares Kim's boyfriend Ken to a "gay bullmastiff," there's a cutaway to Kim: "Everybody has different taste, I don't think Maurice is the most handsome guy on the block."

    (Bizarre sidenote: A Google search for bullmastiff proves Brandi's not entirely wrong.) 

    MORE: Real Housewives' Taylor Armstrong Talks First Christmas After Russell's Suicide

    It's unclear why Kim and her facially challenged boyfriend don't make it to Hawaii with the rest of the cast. A trail of phone calls suggest a broken alarm clock, an expired license, a lost set of "f---ing keys," booking issues and an aversion to traveling in the a.m. Take your pick.

    Back in Los Angeles, Taylor's venting to her TV-friendly therapist, Dr. Sophy, about missing the luau because of Russell's friction with her friends. "It's time for a tough decision," says the doc. And by the end of the episode, Taylor's telling Kyle and Lisa that she's left her husband—bringing us one step closer to Russell's suicide

    After two season's of suffering through Taylor's marital woes, this resolution may be a little too tidy but we're not objecting. This is one incredibly tragic storyline that everyone knows is going to end miserably and the sooner it's over the better, (in our humble opinion).

    MORE: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: "Friends Don't Threaten to Sue Friends"

    Back on the beach, Brandi Glanville's offering an eyeful. The ankle cast is gone, replaced by an attention-grabbing crochet bikini that just barely covers the R-rated stuff. And the show's resident loudmouth promises she's going to get even raunchier after popping some Xanax to get through the flight.

    (We assume she means the puddle jumper portion from Honolulu to Lanai, because the first-class trip from LAX on Hawaiian Airlines looks like an upscale cocktail party—or possibly Heaven—minus the deejay.)

    But dissing Kim's boyfriend, putting on a fake British accent and having a roving nipple aren't all that outrageous. Leave it to Lisa to land all the funniest lines as she makes cracks about Brandi's butt floss and her own sex life. 

    MORE: Rehabbing Housewives Star Kim Richards "Doing Fantastic," Says Sister Kyle Richards

    It looks like Hawaii's magic is working on Lisa as she vows to break her "Christmas and birthdays only" rule. And hubby Ken Todd's not the only one about to get Lei'd. Even Paul Nessif thinks the Pineapple Island charm and lack of kids is gonna get him some sexy time with wife Adrienne Maloof

    So what do you think: Will all the couples come back cozier? Will Kim come up with a good excuse for missing the flight, or do you wish she'd stayed on the Mainland? Are you as anxious as we are to be done with Taylor and Russell's doomed relationship? And if Mauricio isn't the most handsome guy on the block, who is? Weigh in on all things 90210 below in the comments section!

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