Jock socks, diamond lollipop holders and bitching behind each other's backs. Yes! Tonight's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is the type of shallow, frothy fun that we love to tune in for!
In fact, it almost seems as if last week's Malibu breakdown never happened...
That is if it weren't for the separate housewife convoys traveling to Sin City to shack up in dueling Las Vegas luxury suites.
In one corner, Pandora Todd-Vanderpump's bachelorette party at Planet Hollywood, featuring the suitably slutty (her words, not ours!) mother of the bride Lisa Vanderpump, birthday girl Taylor Armstrong and Pandy's friends—who must have been very well behaved not to get more air time.
Not that there's any question about who's the star of this show. "I can't think of anything I'd rather do," says Lisa with Pandora at a bridal boutique in Beverly Hills, before pulling out her iPad and barking at Pandora to stop wasting time.
And when it comes to bumping and grinding with the Chipmunks (as Lisa calls the Chippendale dancers over and over and over again), it's the Brit who wins the dance contest.
"Was it embarrassing? Yes. Do I want to do it again? Yes," coos Lisa.
Yeah, we're not buying the blushing MOTB routine either. Twenty dollars says Ken's getting a hand-knit "cock sock" for Christmas.
Across town, Adrienne Maloof, Camille Grammer, D.D., Brandi Glanville and Dana Wilkey are enjoying their stay at the Palms.
"It's like being with royalty because people bend over backward," Dana says of traveling to Vegas with Adrienne. Not that she's used to roughing it Motel 6-style. Dana doesn't brawl but she can brag with the best of them, showing off her 125 carat diamond lollipop holder—worth a cool million and made for, er, suckers.
And what this group lacks in male dancers, it makes up for bowling with a clearly braless Brandi followed by some bizarrely flirtatious dancing between Camille and Brandi at Moon nightclub.
"Things got a little crazy," smirked Camille as cameras showed Brandi's hands lingering over her body. Um, creative editing or is a dip in the lady pond the next RHOBH storyline?!
(Side note: Adrienne and her hubby can never split up because then we wouldn't get gems like: "I wouldn't say I'm more successful than Paul, but I'm a better driver and I can diet much better than he can.")
As for Kyle Richards, she's back in Beverly Hills planning her white party, shooting the cover of her book and trying to track down Kim Richards without the help of voicemail, email, Facebook or Twitter. (We can't imagine a worse fate!)
Of course, when they do meet up Kim's having a meltdown because her kids don't like Ken. And the poor woman can't understand why everyone's not rolling out the welcome mat for the man she kept hidden for the past year.
Now that we know Kim's in rehab it seems she took Kyle's advice to work on herself, but does that mean Ken is out of the picture? And is he really the bad guy the family is making him out to be?
And what about Lisa? Who wants their mother winning a sexy dance contest? Is it time for mommy dearest to stop with the spotlight-hogging routine, especially with her kid's wedding coming up? Weigh in with your comments below!