Tim Mosenfelder/Getty Images, AP PhotoWhile newly incarnated country singer Jessica Simpson’s debut at Nashville’s venerable Grand Ole Opry last weekend was bland at best, the bizarre, postshow incident that followed has left both Music City insiders and paranormal investigators stunned.
The skeletal corpse of Hank Williams, the acknowledged king of country music who died in 1953, rose from the grave to chase a terrified Simpson from the Opry. “If I ain’t seen it, I wouldn’a believed it,” stated one Opry stagehand. “She was standing backstage, an up comes this kinda rotted up, zombie-looking guy with his arms reaching out like he was gonna git her. His eyes was blazing red from his skull, an’ he was wearin’ this moldy Stetson, an’ a whole team of bats was flyin’ behind’im. At first I thought it was some kinda early Halloween prank,” the source continued. “Then I realized that was ol’ Hank!”
Another witness claimed the horrifying honky-tonk legend from hell was actually shrieking as he lurched after Simpson, who sought refuge in her tour bus. “He was saying, ‘Country music has seen ruination enough! I caint take no more! This woman must be stopped!’ ”
Unable to wrench his bony fingers around Simpson’s throat and drag her back with him to eternal damnation, the avenging country zombie grabbed a fifth of whiskey from a Craft service table and began guzzling as his bat servants lifted his demonic frame into the moonless midnight sky toward his Alabama burial site.
Simpson will be appearing on Good Morning America's Fall Concert Series tomorrow, Tuesday, Sept. 9. Whether Williams will reappear is anyone's guess.