Someone hit the brakes on the roller-coaster ride that has been Survivor: South Pacific.
The season's wild unpredictability—from Brandon's bizarre breakdowns to Ozzy's risky sacrifices—came to an end in tonight's by-the-numbers episode.
But what goes down must come up (just ask Sophie!), and we're confident Whitney didn't lose "six weeks of [her] frickin' life out here" for nothing…
Instead of a duel (Keith was flying solo at Redemption Island), the show opened with an attack—on Cochran for flipping at the last Tribal Council. Sweet Whitney said the neurotic nerd "disgusted" her while Jim called him a "coward" another 37,000 times.
Riddle us this: If Cochran had voted with Savaii, forcing a random draw, just what would these Savaii loyalists call the colored rock if it sent them home?
After realizing his original game plan was in ruins, Ozzy came up with a new strategy: "Just keep winning until there's no one left." Which worked just about as well as the first one, as he was knocked out of the first round in the Immunity Challenge.
But Savaii still dominated without him—with only Sophie representing for Upolu in the final water-hoarding segment. When she took a pit stop to puke, Jim's big mouth for once paid off.
With Immunity around his neck, Jim proposed a two-fold plan: seduce Coach's tribe with talk of "honor" and "integrity," and give Ozzy his Immunity Necklace.
But unlike Ozzy, Jim didn't awaken with a clarity of purpose and a burning desire to check out Redemption Island, and he kept the necklace. And even though those magic words made the Dragon Slayer sit up a little straighter, his tribe didn't see much "honor" in Savaii's "bullying" and snuffed Ozzy's torch a second time.
Is it fair to say Ozzy was only half-kidding when he said, "You guys fell for my master plan!"? Dude is headed back to his version of summer camp, with his buddy Keith as his only bunkmate!
Next Time, on Survivor: What's that you say? The show isn't over? Surely they can't have another Immunity Challenge when Jeff Probst promised us those anticlimactic three's-a-crowd Redemption Island duels were gone forever?
The show did in fact go on, with feasting substituting for compelling TV. After a fun day of swimming and other camp activities, Ozzy caught a fish so huge it wouldn't even fit in Jim's mouth. Meanwhile, cocky Upolu and their li'l billy goat Cochran opted out of the next challenge to stuff themselves with pastries while Dawn, Whitney and Jim competed for immunity. Whitney won, especially because Dawn seemed more focused on giving her enemies more time to eat. Her ingratiating tactics only raised the hackles of Albert, Coach (who identified Dawn as a "serpent" using his Animal Kingdom picture book) and, eventually, volatile Brandon at Tribal Council.
But neither Brandon's confusing attack on Dawn nor the tears of "You Disgust Me" Whitney (there's a country song in there somewhere) could lend much drama to tonight's second Tribal Council, and Jim was sent to enjoy the hospitality (and big fish!) at Camp Ozzy.
Maybe Ozzy's latest strategy, "Treat them nice and send them through," might actually work!
Can Ozzy outlast Coach & Co., or is all over for the original Savaii tribemates? Sound off in the comments!