J.R. Martinez is in the Dancing With the Stars semifinals.
Sorry if that spoiled the suspense, but the guy got two perfect 30s last night. Nowhere but in The Twilight Zone could the actor and Iraq war veteran not make it into the final four.
So, with that out of the way, let's focus on the real drama: Presuming Ricki Lake was golden, as well, who was out? Hope Solo, despite dancing a Len Goodman-approved jive? Nancy Grace, because she came in dead last? Rob Kardashian, because he doesn't have Nancy's rabid fan base?