It took about 50 minutes to get to the juicy drama—Kim tells Kyle she's moving in with her secret lover!—on tonight's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Not that we minded. In the meantime, Adrienne Maloof's hubby got to the bottom of Kim Richards' slurred words and sedated look. Camille Grammer's grandparents got a dig in at her ex Kelsey Grammer from beyond the grave and, according to Kyle Richards' clairvoyant, it's only a matter of time before Brandi Glanville gets knocked up again.
It's the second time the spirits have crossed over to Beverly Hills, and this visit went a whole lot more smoothly than last year's dinner party from hell—unless you're Taylor Armstrong...
Brandi's prediction included a baby girl and four angels; Kyle, Adrienne and Lisa Vanderpump all got warm, fuzzy visits from their deceased family members, but Taylor's reading didn't go quite as well.
"Your relationship with your husband is very different, it has the light spots and the very dark, like darkness that has to do with the mob," said Rebecca the medium.
Wham! Russell Armstrong takes another hit on the show. Apparently Bravo editors and producers have no fear of being haunted by irate ghosts of former castmembers.
Can you sue a spirit for slander? It's something Kelsey Grammer might be wondering given this message from Camille's dead grandmother: "She has a great man coming in her life and he swings in the right direction."
Just in case the women's smirks didn't give it away, Kyle fills in the blanks by explaining Kelsey dressed like a woman on Broadway and, oh yeah, wasn't that a size-14 pump she saw in Camille's closet? Hint, hint.
It's a rough night for the fellas, but at least the zings aren't flying across the table between Kyle and Brandi, Lisa and Taylor or Camille and Faye Resnick.
So where was Kim in all of this? Busy packing. Which seemed like a valid excuse until she explained, "I've got a girl helping me...and a guy."
But Kim's not just supervising the help. Honest. The Escape to Witch Mountain star has nothing against rolling up her sleeves and giving Elizabeth the housekeeper a tutorial on how to clean drawers. (At some point Kim should just let everyone go since she seems to enjoying cleaning so much.)
Kim also insists that séances are against her religion, but according to Kyle, "I think she's more scared of the women in this group than ghosts." Um, who wouldn't be?
Needles are the one thing nobody seems to fear in Beverly Hills. And Dr. Paul Nessif (aka Mark Wahlberg's phone buddy) has all the women to his office for a night of butchery beauty.
Kyle gets some red light treatment that's supposed to reshape her muffin top. (There's something so refreshing about Kyle's self-deprecating honesty.) Taylor's getting fillers for her "genetically thin face." (Doesn't it seem like going to In-N-Out burger would be a cheaper and tastier solution?) Lisa's just there to enjoy the freak show and Adrienne's on hand to prod Paul.
Say what you will about Dr. Giggles, at least he gets to the bottom of Kim's wacky behavior before blowing up her lips.
We'll leave the heavy analysis up to the pharmacologists, but according to Kim, she's taking Trazodone, Topomax and Lexapro, (which might be a cocktail to cure depression and migraines?). At the very least, they're contributing to her tipsy appearance says Paul. "I've had patients that have come in that have been on two or three of these combined and I thought they were drunk...You have that sedated look on you right now."
Maybe the drugs also account for Kim's complete lack of good timing?
Kim finally comes clean to Kyle, telling her that she's secretly been dating someone for a year. (Which Kyle seemed to have guessed since Kim brought Ken to the premiere of The World According to Paris.) She then drops the next bomb that they're moving in together and Kyle loses it, popping the shades back on to cover her tears.
"Now's probably the best time to introduce her to Ken," says Kim blithely, dragging her red-eyed, sniffling sister in to the house. "Just say hi."
So did Kim's big reveal surprise you or are you beyond being shocked by anything the former child star does these days? Weigh in below!