• Share
  • Tweet
  • Share
Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Demi Lovato, Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries

GSI Media; Rick Diamond/Getty Images; Steve Granitz/WireImage; Michael Kovac/Wireimage; Albert Michael/startraksphoto.com

Yeah, we know. Don't say anything. Just read.

K-WOW: Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kris Humphries after 72 days of marriage. Read all about that fateful day and everything that's happened since right here. We're too bummed, not to mention still tired from covering her wedding, to type.

REVOLVING DOOR: Lindsay Lohan is headed back to jail for "30 days," though authorities estimate that actual time spent behind bars will be more like one or two days. But after her Playboy reshoot and her jailhouse overnight (if it even comes to that), the judge has laid out a strict schedule of community service and counseling that should keep Lindsay busy and—you'd think—out of trouble. She should at least stay out of the dentist's chair for awhile.

BABY, WHOA: A 20-year-old has alleged that she had a one-night stand with Justin Bieber backstage at one of his shows and, nine months later, out popped her son. True Beliebers aren't having it. Plus, aside from a real human baby born to a woman he's never met, the teen says he doesn't even have a dog right now aside from his family's pooch. Selena Gomez is sticking with him for now, though, as are the people viewing his YouTube videos 2 billion times.

BREAKING GROUND: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner planted their hands and feet among legends—and the Harry Potter stars (future legends all, surely)—in the cement at famed Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. And Kristen gave a very serious answer as to why she was wearing a cast this week. Plus, new Breaking Dawn commercials!

PROOF IN THE PUCKERING: Demi Lovato and pal Wilmer Valderrama locked lips recently and were reportedly all over each other at Seth MacFarlane's house (um, OK), so there's every unconfirmable possibility that they're more than friends now.

Jessica Simpson

Tom Meinelt-Jason Winslow Splash

BABY SHOWER: Jessica Simpson is pregnant, just as you suspected...Hugh Grant is a dad! He has a daughter all of a sudden with actress Tinglan Hong...Eva Longoria visits with pal Victoria Beckham and baby Harper...Beyoncé's baby is a she, per Kelly Rowland...

FRESH-FACED: Who does teen bride Courtney Stodden look like when she's not wearing makeup? And what does her husband, Doug Hutchison, look like with makeup?

ROYAL FLUSH: A peanut-averse (so possibly pregnant, obviously) Kate Middleton and Prince William stopped in Copenhagen to visit a UNICEF center that sends supplies to East Africa...Pippa Middleton penning a party-planning guide...Duchess Catherine unsurprisingly topped Harper's Bazaar U.K.'s best-dressed of 2011 list.

WEDDING BELLS: Eva Amurri and Kyle Martino tied the knot...Stanley Tucci is engaged to Felicity Blunt, Emily's sister.

UNHITCHING POST: Zooey Deschanel and Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard separated after two years of marriage...Weston Cage is divorcing Nikki Williams after six months.

WAY TO GO, COCO: Conan O'Brien officiated a gay wedding while taping his show in New York for a week.

INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT: Hilary Swank fired her agents and manager, then her PR team fired her after her attendance at a party for an alleged Chechen despot blew up in her face.

WHAT'S REALLY UP WITH...: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens supposedly snuggling at a club?...Denise Richards and Richie Sambora dating again?...Eva Longoria dating NBA player Matt Barnes?

GET WELL: Survivor winner Ethan Zohn revealed he is once again battling Hodgkin's lymphoma...Keith Urban needs throat surgery to remove a polyp...The flu sidelined Rihanna in Sweden...Tori Spelling is OK after a migraine sent her to the hospital, but still pained by the paparazzi.

LAW & DISORDER: The involuntary manslaughter case against Conrad Murray is in the jury's hands...Accused Scarlett Johansson naked picture hacker pleaded not guilty...Admitted Miley Cyrus hacker avoids jail in a separate case...Ryan Rottman of Nickelodeon series Gigantic copped to alcohol-related reckless driving to avoid DUI charge...Alleged Selena Gomez stalker pleads not guilty, slapped with restraining order...Chaz Bono may sue the National Enquirer over death watch story...Vince Neil planning to cut a deal in his disorderly conduct case in Vegas...Taylor Swift 's attorneys sent a warning letter to Celeb Jihad for claiming it's got a topless picture of the singer...Trial date set for Halle Berry's alleged stalker...Kris Humphries lost money in an investment scam allegedly perpetrated by one of his wedding guests...Michael Lohan still behind bars in Florida.

TV LAND: Kate Gosselin will be blogging for a coupon website...Matt Lauer and Ann Curry were golden with their Prince William-Kate Middleton costumes, while Kelly Ripa and Nick Lachey ironically (though they didn't know that at the time) channeled Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries on Halloween...There's lip-syncing on The X Factor, which will have a second season...Hot Revenge scoop...An appeals court sided with CBS in ruling that the FCC improperly fined the network for the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction...Donald Trump took issue with some of Jon Stewart's Herman Cain commentary...J.R. Martinez has been selected as grand marshal of the next Tournament of Roses Parade...Jimmy Kimmel will host the next White House Correspondents' Association Dinner...SPOILER ZONE!

GLEEK OUT: Scoop on next week's "sexual awakening"...Stars rally around Charice Pempengco after her father is killed in the Philippines...The accused later confessed and turned himself in to police.

RECAPVILLE: Follow the redux road to Grey's Anatomy, America's Next Top Model: All-Stars, American Horror Story, Survivor: South Pacific, The X Factor performances and elimination, Glee, Dancing With the Stars performances and elimination, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Sister Wives.

READ: TV Stars on the Town

MUSICAL NOTES: Posthumous Amy Winehouse album Lioness: Hidden Treasures is out Dec. 6...Lady Gaga and her mom starting the Born This Way Foundation for youth empowerment...Coldplay came out on top this week...Metallica fans don't take kindly to being canceled on in India...Sugarland performed a free show at Indianapolis' Conseco Fieldhouse in honor of the victims of the stage collapse at the Indiana State Fair.

FAREWELL: Gil Cates, veteran producer who won several Emmys for his Academy Awards telecasts, died of unknown causes; he was 77...Cory Smoot, lead guitarist for thrash metal band Gwar, was found dead on the group's tour bus; no cause of death has been announced; he was 34...Wyatt Knight, actor who appeared in the Porky's trilogy, took his own life; he was 56...Leonard Stone, who played Violet's dad in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, died of cancer at 87...Police Academy actor and former football pro Charles "Bubba" Smith died of a diet pill overdose and heart disease, per autopsy results.