Karma's a bitch.
The question tonight on Survivor: South Pacific was whether that bitch is named Christine or Cochran.
Could Upolu's original outcast Christine and six-time Redemption Island champ continue her winning streak and send her opponent, Ozzy, straight to the Survivor Hall of Shame?
Or did the veteran's diabolical plan to sacrifice himself, beat Christine, even the tribe's numbers in the merge and rely on Spy Kid Cochran to be Savaii's mole actually succeed?
The short answer: Ozzy pulled it off. With all the Castaways looking on, he soundly defeated Christine in the R.I. duel and immediately returned to the game as the two tribes merged. (Lamely dubbing themselves "Te Tuna," because why even bother trying to top Boston Rob's "Merlonio"?)
Unfortunately for Ozzy (and his balls), what could have been what Cochran dubbed the "single biggest and greatest move in Survivor history" won't garner much more than a mention in the reality history books.
Why? To repeat: Karma's a bitch.
In the end, Cochran, Savaii's token pariah, betrayed the Cool Crowd and sided with Upolu. With both tribes evenly tied at the first Tribal Council vote (six each for Keith and Rick), Cochran flipped at the tie-breaker. Rather than risk the chance that he'd be eliminated in a random drawing of rocks, the bespectacled misfit cast his vote for his "consistently rude" tormenter Keith, who was sent to Redemption Island.
Drama Camp: Ozzy returned to the game, but the rest of his plan fell apart, thanks in part to his lousy acting skills. His R.I. "Broadway production" of Cochran's alleged betrayal was panned by the critics. "I don't buy it!" said Albert, eyes a-rolling, while Sophie offered this blurb: "Pathetic—I was offended!" Meanwhile Cochran demanded credit for his own "Academy Award performance…pretending I like these people for 18 days."
Inspector Clouseau: Here's where Ozzy's plan went so very wrong—so very, predictably wrong. Instead of infiltrating Upolu, Cochran became their pawn, especially after the suddenly cunning Coach called his bluff—even deducing that Cochran held the Immunity Idol. Cochran returned the Idol to Ozzy—admitting he was trusting his fate to people who neither trust nor respect him—but not before giving away the farm to the enemy. After both Dawn and Ozzy each won immunity in the challenge, Cochran confided in Sophie Savaii's plan to protect Whitney and vote for Rick. Sophie gave him no intel in return, so instead of helping his tribe as Ozzy planned, the reality show's answer to Maxwell Smart completely handicapped them.
Bully Beatdown As The Maestro (face it, at this point Coach is orchestrating this game) predicted, "the nerd finally rose up to the bully" with Cochran's deciding vote. His outraged tribe shut down his feeble excuses, with Jim calling him a coward—twice. That's when Brandon appointed himself bodyguard to the "dodgeball target" and chastised the playground bullies: "That's what you get for talking to people like that in the first place."
Next Time, on Survivor: The Upolu amnesiacs continue to berate Cochran for "backstabbing" them, with Whitney screeching "You disgust me!"—to the guy she snubbed and put on the chopping block more than once.
We'll say it again: Karma is a bitch.
Do you think Ozzy made the right move? Does he stand a chance against Coach's Upolu Six, or will they pick off the remaining Savaii Castaways one by one?