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    Afternoon Mail! Blind Vice Edition: What’s the Deal With Carmelita Salami-Climber and Judas Jack-Off?

    Blind Vice diva

    Dear Ted:
    How are things with Carmelita Salami-Climber and her man? Has she realized what a tool he is and dumped him?
    Lyn

    Dear No Climbing for Carmelita:
    There's certainly been some goss, but Carmelita seems to have reached a conclusion, although I wouldn't count on what exactly it is at the moment—Carmelita lives to surprise everybody, her men most of all.

    Dear Ted:
    Have you confirmed that Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are not Judas Jack-off and Dashed Dingle-Dream?
    S

    RELATED: Blind Vice: Barbie Snorts Her Way to Cancellation!

    Dear A Vice of a Different Kind:
    All I've said, doll, is that they are not everybody's dream couple, as in the one they think so beautifully fits Jared and Jensen.

    Dear Ted:
    When you say that Jennifer Aniston wasn't into John Mayer's "Vicey ways," I have to wonder if that's why he took a dig at her in the press by calling Jessica Simpson "sexual napalm." Do you think he was getting back at Jen for what she wouldn't do with him?
    B

    Dear The Ex Files:
    You're definitely on the right track. Jen's a classy chick, and Justin Theroux seems way better suited for America's Sweetheart than John's bad-boy tendencies, don't ya think?

    Dear Ted:
    What are you saying, Dianna Agron is a beard?
    D

    Dear Beard Today, Gone Tomorrow:
    Hardly, although the gal's choice in men is very questionable. 

    READ: Five Scary Celebrity Inspired Halloween Costumes

    Dear Ted:
    I've come to adore Lea Michele. She's somewhat over the top but I find it charming in a staunch place like Hollywood. With her about to get the heave-ho from Glee is there any chance she can find herself on another project? She's not your traditional beauty queen but I think she's quite attractive. And though the writing is far from award worthy, I think she can be hilarious with her character. So what say you and your connections, Ted?
    R

    Dear And the Winner Is:
    I love me some Lea Michele as much as you babe, and it's pretty clear that the girl was born to sing. She needs to hold out for a role that can really show off her assets—and when she does I think the former Broadway diva could have some major staying power in the biz. Her latest film New Year's Eve is out in December, so we'll see how the gal does with this big-screen project. 

    Dear Ted:
    Simple question. Does Robert Pattinson have it as badly for Kristen Stewart as he used to? Lately, your answers to the Morning Mail have been making me think the tides are changing.
    Allison

    Dear Long-Distance Lovers:
    Quite the opposite, A—just ‘cause they're doing long distance doesn't mean their romance isn't steamier than ever.

    Dear Ted:
    Jessica Simpson's "shocking" mummy announcement got me thinking...why is it that we never ever see baby daddy and ex-football player Eric-what's-his-name? I can't even remember the last time I've seen a shot of them together—could the long-awaited announcement possibly indicate trouble in paradise? It's happened to plenty in the past. Christina Milian, anyone?
    A

    Dear The Jig Is Up:
    Probably because people were focusing their telephoto lenses on Ms. Simpson's belly to decide if she is indeed knocked up or just had a big lunch. Now that the obvious is official, I think we'll see a lot more of the pair together.

    PHOTOS: Blind Vice Superstars!

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