No doubt you're looking forward to the newly announced Die Hard 5: Wheelchair Armageddon. But until then, get a few thrills from the best of this week's Soup.
1. Sister Wives: Welcome to the sexy polygamy version of Lord of the Flies as one of the many wives dares to suggest possibly enjoying a life ever-so-slightly apart from the clannish Brown tribe. Watch out, sis!
One down, four to go.
2. The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Young, budding fox Ashley has a tattoo, and her folks aren't happy about it. Apparently she doesn't realize the word "swallow" means something beyond a pretty birdy.
3. Ghost Adventures: Zak Bagans scares up a party in haunted bar with living, breathing alcohol, but still thinks ghosts are responsible for the booze fest. No way, dude!
4. Live With Regis and Kelly: Depending on your point of view, American culture has finally reached its wretched zenith. Or, like, awesome zenith. Yes, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino sits down with Larry the Cable Guy.
5. Jersey Shore: The Situation and Snooki are at it again, and by "at it" we don't mean crimes against sexuality. Let's just say The Sitch gets a chance to prove his guido cred by speaking with his hands.