They did—and it was spectacular.
Of course, make that drama-times-10, when you figure in all the combustible tempers and input from people not named Kim or Kris.
The couple are happily hitched now, however, and we've got the standout moments from tonight's Kim's Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event right here:
1. "We Hate Each Other": It wasn't looking good for Kim and a newly mustachioed Kris (an act of groom defiance, we get it, but ew!) two nights before they said their I-dos, when they ended up eating with their backs to each other at their rehearsal dinner at Scarpetta in Beverly Hills. Maybe they were just hungry and cranky, though, because the warring duo had cozied up by the time Bruce and Kris Jenner and New Jersey Net Jordan Farmar made their cute speeches. "This wedding is about love...and let's just enjoy every moment," Kim realized.
2. Bruce Saves the Day: Kim's reaction to her brother looking all suave wasn't just a sweet shock because of the dumpy sweats that Rob Kardashian wore to the rehearsal dinner. Instead, Rob's dapper tuxedo immediately reminded Kim of their late father, Robert Kardashian Sr., and she concluded that she'd probably be far less stressed if her dad were around. Later on, Kim dissolved into tears while looking through some of her father's possessions and Bruce (the calm voice of reason, as always) was there to talk and remind her how proud her dad would be and how the material matters of her wedding are "not life." And Kim realized that being in love with Kris was the point. Heck, Bruce's awesomeness even made Kris realize that he was becoming a part of something not just krazy, but pretty special, too.
3. Diamonds Are a Bride's Best Friend: Right before go-time, as Kim was getting her makeup done, a gift from the groom arrives: No big deal, just a massive diamond bracelet, featuring two K's knotted together. Kourtney Kardashian noted how Kim usually picks out every present she's about to be given beforehand, so the fact that Kris managed to more-than-pleasantly surprise her...Oohs and ahs all around!
4. Here Comes the...Ringbearer: The reports were true: Mason Disick really did run away with the show. As maid of honor Kourtney was nearing the altar, it was the 20-month-old ringbearer's turn to have the spotlight. Scott Disick set Mason on the path and he promptly scampered down the aisle into mama's arms. While carrying the little guy, Kourtney stumbled and there was the briefest chance of a face-plant, but she quickly righted herself and the guests enjoyed a good-hearted chuckle.
5: Here Comes the Bride! Kim and Kris' road to the altar was a bit bumpy, but all was forgotten the second Kim appeared on the aisle in her custom Vera Wang gown (her first of the night, that is) with the hand-stitched bodice and endless train. Kris was blown away, the entire Kardashian family looked on the verge of bursting into happy tears, and then Bruce gave the bride away. Kim and Kris looked into each other's eyes as the pastor shared words that the couple had written about each other. They exchanged vows and kissed. "I would like to present, for the very first time," the pastor announced, "Mr. and Mrs. Kris Humphries!"
"It was the cutest thing ever! Seeing this really makes me feel so much better," the initially skeptical Khloé reflected later on. "If this is what Kris does for her, oh my god, I'm all for it!"