Oh, Teresa Giudice. Just when we thought the extended families of Franklin Lakes, New Jersey had finally found the recipe for domestic harmony, you dump spicy sauce on the situation.
Bring it! It's not like the table-flipping fans of Real Housewives of New Jersey can't stand the heat.
Especially with the real-time Twitter feud we've all seen between Teresa and Jacqueline Laurita.
So how did it all go so wrong?
We kept expecting fireworks to fly at the Gorga and Guidice family portrait sesh. Especially after Teresa allegedly refused to share her stylist with Melissa Gorga. But everyone was on their best behavior. Except maybe Milania, who got bribed with the promise of seeing Justin Bieber. Works for us. And Grandpa Gorga, who was cajoled with a glass of wine. Ditto on the motivation factor.
Even the typical Ashley (pardon us, Ashlee as she's now legally called) and Jacqueline drama was lowkey. Ash got a couple of tattoos while her parents were in Punta Cana. But the girl is over 18 so whaddya gonna do?
Besides, Ashlee has moved to L.A. (an update Bravo was missing) and—drumroll, please!—has a J.O.B. So miracles do happen and bratty kids do grow up to be functioning members of society.
Kathy and Rich (a.k.a. Jon Lovitz or Jeff Goldblum, take your pick) Wakile continue to be world-class parents, getting all weepy over Victoria's formal. And putting the fear of God—or something—in her date, Paulie.
And then copies of Fabulicious land with a thud on the family dinner tables of the Wakiles, Gorgas and Manzos. Or as it should be called, Teresa Giudice's Recipe for Alienating Friends and Family.
One by one, the cast members find out what this season's villainess really thinks of them.
Melissa's a copycat. Kathy's got to stop with the lame jokes. Caroline Manzo is as Italian as the Olive Garden.
Oh, hell no!
And it gets worse. "I am a huge fan of Caroline Manzo, even if she's only one-sixteenth Italian or whatever she is," writes Teresa.
Oh, snap! "You don't tell an Italian that they're one-sixteenth Italian," Jacqueline giggles nervously.
"Hello, that was a joke," says Teresa. Or, as she likes to think of herself, the next Lucille Ball, minus the red hair and actual sense of humor.
But it looks like the damage is done. "There comes a time when you have to recognize that the tides are changing, and I'm recognizing that now. And it's sad," says the thick-as-thieves Manzo matriarch.
Besides, we all know Jacqueline doesn't show up for next week's reunion show. So things must have only gotten worse. Maybe Teresa made fun of Chris Manzo's wine-opening habits?
Either way, next week looks to get even uglier. So do you agree with Team Teresa? "People don't have senses of humor anymore." Or is she just a mean girl masquerading as a gossipy cookbook author? Weigh in below!