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    Afternoon Bitch-Back! Is Lindsay Lohan Feeling the Weight of Her Decisions?

    Lindsay Lohan BONG/GSI Media

    Dear Ted:
    I'm wondering what your insight would be on what is causing the double chin I'm seeing on Lindsay Lohan. Do you think it's double vodka on the rocks or a Coke on the rocks...hold the ice, hold the glass but yes on the straw? Funny how partying your ass off results in the weight redistributing right to the double chin and bloated face, huh?
    —Doubling Down Diva

    Dear Dubious Dieter:
    You're partially right, babe. Late nights in the club definitely aren't helping LiLo's one-time enviable figure—maybe if she spent more time on the dance floor and less time swimming in the VIP bottle service, but alas. No drugs though, her tush would already be back in court by now if she was snorting anything illegal.

    Dear Ted:
    Jennifer Lawrence is my absolute fave up-and-coming actress. Any Blind Vice info on my girl? With all the mean comments she has gotten from the teaser trailer, I really wouldn't mind if she had a Vice, something people could actually speculate on instead of her not bad acting skills.
    —Fairy Glow

    RELATED: Wait, Lindsay Lohan Is Going to School for What?

    Dear Jenny From the Block:
    Wish I could clue you in on her juicy deeds, but Jennifer is clean as a whistle...for now. It helps that the bigwigs over at Lionsgate kept the set on lockdown to avoid any digging of dirt from harmless gossip columnists. Oh well, there's still the sequels (and sometimes scandalous press tours!).

    Dear Ted:
    Kellan Lutz has got to be Nelly Fang, right? I mean, the roommates, Craig's List....I'm mixing up my Vices. I just read this and it rang all sorts of bells in my head. The Vice with the guy that looked up another guy online, showed up...I can't remember. But Lutz is a big-time Vicer, right? The very idea that Lutz is getting a little boy-on-boy action on the side is so effing hot my mind is sweating.
    —Wanda

    Dear Scatterbrained:
    You're definitely mixing up your monikers, W, ‘cause you're thinking of our dear friend Crescent Kumquat, not old Nell. That said, you're right and you're wrong. Kell is no stranger to the Vice vault but he isn't Cres. Or Nelly for that matter.

    Dear Ted:
    So John Mayer is keeping a low profile. Do you think he has learned his lesson and changed his ways, or do you think he is still the same jerk he has always been?
    —Bak

    Dear Changing Stripes:
    Please. Why would he change his womanizing ways when it's working so well for him?

    Dear Ted:
    Is Robert Pattinson really stepping out on Kristen Stewart on the sly? Names like Gastineau and Cronenburg are floating around him. What's the dish?
    —Pupp

    Dear Cheaters Anonymous:
    Do you really think if Robby were screwing around on his GF and everyone on the internet knew it that K.Stew wouldn't catch wind of his misdeeds? That said, she's not freaking out because there's nothing to freak out about. Names float around Kristen too. Garrett Hedlund, for one.

    Dear Ted:
    Like many others, Carson Ampi-Dickorous fascinates and infuriates me because I don't yet have a handle on this Vicey babe. Has he ever guest starred in a previous B.V. with someone other than Hildago van Buren?
    —knox

    Dear Yes:
    But nothing as delish as with Hildago.

    PHOTOS: Lindsay Lohan: Why's She Smiling?

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