Art Streiber/HBOIt is Halloween yet? 'Cause all this witchy business has us seriously craving some candy corn.
But back to True Blood. When we left Sookie last week, she was up crap creek, causing her vampy lovers to bust out some heavy ammunition to blow Marnie and the Moon Goddess Emporium back to the days of the Salem Witch Trials.
So what's kooky old Marn up to this week?
Something Wiccan This Way Goes!
Woo-hoo, Marnie (Fiona Shaw) kicked the bucket... well, kinda. Let's try to recap this standoff quickly, shall we? Marnie says if Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) off themselves, she'll let Sookie go. Well, Sookie gets all teary (per usual) and they're about to go through with the murder-suicide until Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) uses a rocket launcher to diffuse the sitch.
Then there's some robot-zombie possession ordeal that almost makes the vamps walk into the sunlight barrier and Sookie gets trapped in a ring of fire and (uh oh!) one of the bonus witches gets wacked. All before Jesus gets all freakishly brujo demon-y and unbounds the binds between Marnie and Antonia.
Once the spell is broken, the vamps storm in and get to killin'. Eric rips out the heart of that annoying male witch (or is it wizard?) and drinks out of it like a sippy cup while Bill pops a cap in Marnie's ass. But! She's not dead! 'Cause now she's possessed Lafayette.
Did you get all that?
Domestic Disturance Alert!
So after Tommy (Marshall Allman) bit it last week, Sam (Sam Trammell) went on a warpath to avenge his (douchey) baby bro. Well, he and Alcide (Joe Manganiello) finally find Marcus shacking up with Debbie and all hell breaks loose. Sam has the chance to kill Marcus, but... He's obviously a sweetie pie at heart and lets him live.
But then Marcus goes and tries to shoot Sam and Alcide ends up killing him anyway. No tears from us! But then Alcide and Debbie go through a really bizarre (and really formal) werewolf breakup and as much as we hope to never see that bey-otch again, we're sure Debbie has plenty more trouble to cause.
Andy Gets Some Fairy Tail!
The fairies are back. Well, one at least. And we're not exactly sure why. 'Cause after she creepily open-eyed kisses Andy Bellefleur (and then proceeds to lick his face and screw him), she apparently disappeared back into her orb of light. We're seriously doubting Tinker-skank only popped in for a supernatural booty call, so get ready for some fairy action in next week's finale.
So now tell us: What did you think of tonight's craziness? Were you left wondering why all the crazy ladies that wreak havoc on Bon Temps have similar names (Marnie, Maryann, etc.)? Were you left tickled with the Jessason flirt fest? Or are you just praying the finale is juicy enough to tide us over until next season?