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    Afternoon Bitch-Back! Will Baby Beyoncé Be Born into a Vicey Household?

    Beyonce Steve Granitz/WireImage

    Dear Ted:
    I'm a big fan of Beyoncé and Jay-Z and was so happy to hear that they have a mini Hova on the way! Do they have any Vices that they might have to give up once the baby arrives?
    —Sasha

    Dear Baby on Board:
    Nope, this baby will be born B.V.-free. Bey is way to crafty to ever let her secrets slip out. Did ya see how she totally stole the show on Sunday? That is one intelligent business broad. And I'm sure this is just the start of her baby biz: Expect plenty of mama-to-be ballads and, who knows, maybe even a maternity line of freakum dresses from House of Deréon.

    Dear Ted:
    Just wondering, what's Dougy Dry-Hump been up to lately? I don't have rescue pet to offer up, but we did foster an abused Chu-weenie until a permanent home could be found.
    —Meg

    RELATED: How Did Beyoncé Keep Her Pregnancy So Secret?!

    Dear Hollywood Party Boy:
    Dougy is up to the same crap he's always been up to, partying and getting sleazy with women while his poor wifey is stuck at home. This is definitely one nasty Vicer that I don't see reforming his no-good ways. At least, not anytime soon.

    Dear Ted:
    I love me some Lady Gaga, but don't you think her latest music (not to mention everything else) is running out of steam? Is it because of that Laurie Ann Gibson? Too much exposure? I'm scared she's not even going to stick around for a third album.
    —Betty

    Dear Born This Lame:
    I kinda agree, doll. I really did enjoy her VMA performance, but when she wouldn't drop the drag schtick, it got way old, way fast. Which is clearly something she doesn't understand: when entertaining becomes plain annoying. But this certainly isn't the last we've seen from Gags. Far from it.

    Dear Ted:
    I have recently given up smoking and I'm afraid I'm not doing very well—I'm weaker than I thought. A little project will help keep my mind off things, so I have decided to get to the bottom of Gerard Butler's Vice. You said his Vice was an "older one." Does this mean I'm going to have to trawl through years and years of your Vicey archives? I'm not sure how much my poor nicotine-starved brain can process. Should I be digging into this decades archives or the previous decades vices?
    —Viking girl

    Dear Weary of Gerry:
    Ger's Vice appeared last decade, doll (as in the millennium to 2010). But you can look much more recently to find a nameless appearance by him in another Vicer's bizness. I'm sure that won't help your nicotine-starved brain, but good luck babe! Being smoke-free is so worth it, promise.

    Dear Ted:
    Miranda Lambert
    admits she hooked up with Blake Shelton while he was married. So why does LeAnn Rimes get hate and folks just seem to love Miranda? And how does Blake remain golden despite his dalliance?
    —ASC

    Dear Backwoods Brouhaha:
    Because Miranda 'fessed up that what she did was wrong, whereas LeAnn bitches about, well...everything she can. People can be pretty dang forgiving if you're willing to put yourself out there for judgment, which LeAnn is definitely not.

    Dear Ted:
    I was excited for The Hunger Games movie. I read the books a few months ago (thanks to you), and I thought they were OK. But after the teaser trailer, I'm not so sure anymore. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Jennifer Lawrence was kind of annoying. I expected so much more, but I saw no emotions from her.
    —Linda

    Dear Overreacting:
    C'mon, babe, acting chops are hardly something you need to be concerned about—she's a friggin' Oscar nominee! But it was only a quick clip and not even the most dramatic part of the movies. Wait until you see the trailer before you totally write the movie off.

    Dear Ted:
    I am a huge fan of Robert Pattinson and was wondering if he has any juicy Vices or even any illegal ones?
    thea

    Dear Duh:
    Heck yes it's juicy. It's totally legal tho, don't worry.

    PHOTOS: Baby Bumpin'

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