Summer brings out the best in celebrities. They doff their clothes and gad about in bikinis and Daisy Dukes, pretending to ignore the paparazzi. But they also wait until the summer to roll out their most embarrassing secrets and scandals.
This year was so not an exception, right Arnold?
So here they are! The five most fun scandals of this sweaty, crazy summer:
1. Hugh Hefner loses a bride, you know, what's-her-name: First Crystal Harris cancels her wedding to Hugh Hefner less than a week before the blowout is scheduled to take place. Then she dashes off to Vegas on the date of her scrapped wedding, to, um, nurse her wounds. Then she visits Howard Stern to diss Hefner's skills in the sack. Stay classy, Crystal Whoever. We've already half-forgotten you, but Hef's fame is forever.
2. Arnold Schwarzenegger's secret love child: Kennedy women know how to weather a scandal, but even the staunchest of the latest generation, Maria Shriver, couldn't have been prepared for news that the Governator had fathered a secret son with housekeeper Mildred Baena. Thirteen years ago. At the same time that Schwarzenegger was having another baby with wife Shriver. A divorce is in the offing, natch. Not leaving Ah-nold after such a public humiliation would, perhaps, be an even bigger sin.
3. French guy pees on plane: Rarely have we seen anything quite so French in the annals of E! Online. Gerard Depardieu, 62, star of Green Card and other, much classier, Frencher movies we can't remember, whipped it out and peed on the carpet of a passenger plane earlier this month. For the record, he reportedly was real sorry about it. The person who seemed to enjoy this news more than anyone else? Anderson Cooper, who couldn't keep a straight face while reporting the story.
4. J.Lo sheds (another) man: No sooner does Jennifer Lopez announce her divorce from Marc Anthony than she starts spinning things her way: "To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself—if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me. I love myself enough to walk away from that now." Let's hope your kids don't ever learn how to Google, Jennifer. Stay classy.
5. Leathery child bride breaks big: Just a few short months ago, we lived in bliss. We knew nothing of Courtney Stodden, her "country music," her videos, her hair, her face—oddly old-looking for a supposed teenager—her painted dog, her unique talent for leering like a rapacious reptilian invader from the V TV series. Thanks to sugar-daddy-turned-husband Doug Hutchison, we know everything. Thanks, Doug. Thanks a bunch.