Teen Choice Awards, Taylor Lautner

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Dear Ted:
So you said Taylor Lautner's Vice would be one of the most shocking of the young B.V.ers, but it is well documented that T.L.'s dad is all up in his business and possibly as bad a stage parent as Dina Lohan. So my question is, does papa Lautner know about the B.V. and turn a blind eye as long as the money is rolling in? I can't imagine the little werewolf could be so undercover with such a controlling parental unit.
—Still Team Sparkles

Dear Daddy's Boy:
Tay's dad tends to poke his nose into the biz side of things rather than what his son is up to on whatever movie set he's on, but he is most definitely aware of Taylor's Vice. Taylor keeps it under wraps from the public (fairly well, might I add) but doesn't hide it from his fam, his peeps or any of his hottie castmates. Trust, they all know.

Dear Ted:
Whose career would be the most damaged should their Vice be revealed, Jensen Ackles or Jared Padalecki? And who has more delicious Vice?

Dear One in the Same:
Jensen's, duh.

Dear Ted:
I love you, I really do, but I gotta say I'm a little disappointed you haven't been able to get to the bottom of this Chord Overstreet thing. It's obvious there's something going on there. Did he try to out-diva Lea Michele? Did he sleep with the wrong girl? Did he refuse to sleep with the right boy? Was he "partying" too much? Was he blowing his lines? Calling in sick? Did his agent demand too much money?

Dear Glee-dux:
You are right about one thing, there are definitely bigger issues going on with Chord's exit than the PR-friendly crapola about him moving on to bigger and better things. And this won't be the last Gleek that gets burned by the franchise. Bottom line: Everything points to Ryan Murphy and his precocious executive skills.

Dear Ted:
I have been paying particularly close attention to your recent Blinds, and I have to know: Is Carmelita Salami-Climber related to Alter Ego Salami? I just need to know. Love you, doll.

Dear Pig Roast:
Happy to tell ya, doll: No, they're not related. In fact, I'm not sure if they've ever even met before. If they have, it would have been a blink-and-ya-miss-it encounter at one of the swanky award shows they're always at.

Dear Ted:
I'm a woman, but I don't think a woman should be president. I am also from Texas, and I don't really like Rick Perry. Why is being a Republican becoming sooo difficult?

Dear Look in the Mirror:
Because despite Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, hordes of you folks still think the good ol' boys club should keep the Oval Office warm, not a woman. And that's just for starters. Take a look at that creepy Munchkin in the brunette Miss Piggy wig, Christine O'Donnell, who can't even answer simple questions on live TV. You people are a mess!

Dear Ted:
I may be in heaven if Steven Soderbergh is a man of his word and features the unbelievably hot cast (Tatum, Pettyfer, Bomer, etc.) of Magic Mike with full frontal (yes, I am one of those naughty gals who appreciate the male form in all of its glory). Will it really happen, or will they chicken out and save those shots for the "special edition" DVD? That wouldn't be the same. Your guesses on this?

Dear Full Monty:
I would bet some serious moolah that it'll happen, babe. And not just on the DVD, but in, to borrow your wording, "full glory" on the big screen. Now we just gotta wonder which of the delish dudes it will be. More on that Monday, promise!

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