It's Sunday. Fix some eggs. We'll wait.
1. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez: Access Hollywood's astonishing insider reporting reveals that People magazine has named The Biebs and the Mez Tinsel Town's richest teen couple. But have the big bucks changed the relationship between the power earners? Prepare to be shocked.
One down, four to go.
3. Bachelor Pad: What could be more fun than watching the sexy Bachelor and Bachelorette losers cohabitate as they search for true love and a prizewinning paycheck? How about watching Jake Pavelka figure out where to throw up?
4. Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew: The sensistive doc knows the path to kicking substance abuse issues involves letting his D-list fiends go nuts on camera (plus that means more screen time for career-savvy addicts), so sit back and enjoy Michael Lohan reach near-heart attack levels of anxiety as he screams at his GF. In a parking lot.
5. Snooki: In the world of Jersey Shore, books aren't just for winging at someone's head prior to yanking the hair from their skull during a ritual household skirmish. Books are things you can write. Just ask New York Times bestselling author Snooki.