Morning Bitch-Back! Have Hollywood’s Bachelors Hit a Midlife Crisis?

Readers wonder about Hollywood hook-ups and Britney’s supposed “comeback.”

By Ted Casablanca Aug 10, 2011 11:30 AMTags
Leonardo DiCaprio, Blake LivelyINFphoto.com

Dear Ted:
Clooney with Keibler, DiCaprio with Lively? Are weird hookups the new trend in Hollywood for eternal bachelors? These couples are so surprising that it is really hard to believe that they are for real. Not to mention both gentlemen diving into new relationships as soon as the old one ended. Is it some sort of midlife crisis?
—Mgold

Dear Crisis Averted:
What better way to prove you're still hot than by hitting the scene with one of Tinseltown's finest female specimens? But, I don't think it's considered a crisis if they've been doing it their entire lives, doll. It's not like neither of these fellahs has hooked up with a hot, young thing before. Blake and Stacy may be a bit younger than usual, but everything else is par for the course.

Dear Ted:
Do you think Kristen Stewart will make some London friends while she's over there filming Snow White and the Huntsman? Am I wrong to hope she hangs out with Sienna Miller? Because I'd bet money Kristen will end up beyotch slapping her into shape if she started in on one of her inevitable public blubberfests.
—Rosa

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Dear London Connection:
It's definitely a serious possibility, especially seeing as Sienna has been very publically (and privately, too) canoodling with Tom Sturridge for quite some time. Well, TomStu just so happens to be a close pal of both K.Stew and her BF R.Pattz. The two ladies have met before too, so nothing new. Look at that, R, your wish may just come true!

Dear Ted:
Looking at pictures of Britney at her meet-and-greets, something is off. Sure she has made a huge comeback, but do you think we will ever have her when she doesn't look dazed? Maybe it's permanent.
—B

Dear It's Britney, Bitch:
Well, she's not 18 anymore, babe. And after all the hard-work she does on that stage, I'd say she has a right to look a little out of it, especially after a show.

Dear Ted:
Do you think Rob and Kristen try to keep quiet about their relationship for their own privacy or to maintain mystery, as a way of keeping themselves relevant?
—J

Dear On the Down-Low:
They're going to be relevant for a long time whether or not they are "Robsten" or just Rob and Kristen. I'm going to jump on the privacy train, although I'd bet adding a little mystery spice to their secret affair has its perks.

Dear Ted:
It's been so long since we've had a true update about my favorite Vicer, Nevis Divine, I'm afraid his devotion to his woman will keep us from ever getting a new installment in his Vice archive. Say it isn't so!
—H

Dear Divine Debate:
Even if he stays true to his girl, that doesn't necessarily mean he can't be Vicey in other ways. Just sayin'. I mean, this is Nevis Devine we're talkin' about.