Afternoon Bitch-Back! Is Jennifer Aniston Already Mrs. Theroux?

Readers ask questions about Jen, Tom Cruise and Eva Longoria

Dear Ted:
I'm loving the pics of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux on their Hawaiian vacation. They look so adorable together! Do you think it's possible that they're already married? I have this feeling that if she were ever to do it again, she wouldn't be announcing it to the world, but going about it quietly. Thoughts?
—Anonymous

Dear Hawaii Five-O:
It's possible. (Really anything is with these Hollywood types.) But trust me, these two definitely have not tied the knot. While things are getting serious with this sexy couple (and I give ‘em my seal of approval!), Jenny is in no rush to get down the aisle again. Tho, you're right about her keeping any future nuptials low-key.

Dear Ted:
Thanks for the update on my fave hottie Marky Sweet-Puss. I'm worried that he seems so totally dependent on that witch Cruella St. Shackles. Will he ever get the guts or insight to leave her?
—Kate

Dear Puss 4 Life:
Probably not, doll. I wish he'd leave too, but Cruella has him so scared to do anything anymore that he's going to be part of that dreaded duo until it kills him. Or, more likely, he snaps and lands himself in some sort of rehab center claiming exhaustion. Poor, poor Marky.

Dear Ted:
I was wondering what your thoughts are on the state of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' relationship. There have been rumors for years that their marriage is fake, but I have it on good authority that they are happy when the cameras are off. He's very supportive of her, always treats her well, dotes on her and is just, well, a great guy. Why fake it in private?
—Jennifer

Dear Suri Says:
Honey, nobody ever said Tom wasn't kind.

Dear Ted:
What is the deal with Cameron Diaz's face in those Teen Choice Awards photos? She looks so old compared to Jen Aniston. I'm cool with that if Cam is growing older naturally, but I think there's something not quite natural going on there. Jen, on the other hand, looks amazing and like she's aging gracefully (whether it is natural or not). Isn't she four or five years older than Cameron, too?
—dq

Dear Face the Facts:
Too be quite honest, I noticed it while watching Bad Teacher (which was not horrible, if you're still itching to see it). Cam's sometimes wild ways are catching up with her, but before you get ahead of yourself, I'm not talking in a terribly Vicey way. As for your face-off with Jenny, well, what do you expect when one of the peeps spends her time sipping margaritas and getting massages in the tropics, while the other dates A-Rod.

Dear Ted:
Is Possum Santana more of a movie or a TV actor?
—Emma

Dear Positively Possum:
She's done a lot of both, babe. That said, she's probably better known for her work on the telly—whether she wants to be or not—but she has more box-office credits to her name than sitcom work.

Dear Ted:
So I live in San Antonio, Texas, and Eva Longoria and Tony Parker used to frequent my work. When they broke up, it made me so sad. I know it's old news, but is she doing OK? Also I'm happy Desperate Housewives is finally ending. Love the show, but it needed to end so Eva can move on and pursue her career. Does she have any big moves in the future?
—MM

Dear Loco for Longoria:
Don't fret, M, Eva salsaed away from that split with hardly a care in the world. And she's had no trouble rebounding from her former hubby. As for the career, hopefully she's got more in her than the lame Over Her Dead Body (remember that piece of cinema crapola?), but of all the housewives, I expect her career to take off first.