Tonight's episode brings us the Glamorous Beauties pageant in Center, Texas. And you know, everything is bigger 'n' better in Texas.
This event prides itself on its Celebrity Wear portion, which means we see children dressed as Beyoncé, Michael Jackson and, yes, Lady Gaga.
So let's throw on a meat dress and discuss...
Emerald Nuts: Quaker mom Chelsea rationalizes that it's OK for her 3-year-old daughter to participate in pageants because their religion doesn't emphasize winning—but if she picks up the competition bug from other kids, Oops! Oh, well. Because children thrive on mixed messages. That aside, Emerald is just a doll and the family seems pretty normal—not counting the chocolate-chip floor bowling. Yeah, you had better hope that floor's clean.
Destiny's Child: Continuing the cute cycle is 4-year-old Allyson, who loves to get spray-tanned as it brings her one step closer to looking like her idol, Beyoncé. Mom Kylene is refreshingly at ease with her daughter's desire to "be brown," including buying her exclusively dark-skinned dolls.
Million-Dollar Toddler: Thank heavens Baylen is here to cut all this episode's sweetness—with her fists! The 3-year-old is pretty much happy to punch anything in sight, but her fave target appears to be her mom. Which sorta works out since Beth seems very content with the monster she's creating.
Rocky Horror: Baylen continues her reign of terror onstage, causing Beth to compare her to "a wild monkey." The temperamental tot even threatens to kick her mom in the face while getting into her Rocky Balboa costume for Outfit of Choice. Yo, Adrian, that's messed up.
Cute Overload! Kylene has Allyson in a Shirley Temple getup for Outfit of Choice, but Ally is quick to remind us, "But I like...Be-yon-cé." Then Ally is almost speechless as she gazes admiringly at a fellow competitor, an adorable African-American girl. "You look...so...cute," she finally gushes.
Who Got Glamorous? After finally getting to perform her G-rated booty-shakin' Beyoncé routine in Celebrity Wear, Allyson wins the Overall Natural Photo prize. Sweet potato Emerald gets crowned Grand Supreme, and...what the fudge? Somehow, pint-size pugilist Baylen wins Queen in her age group. That one's a mystery for the ages, folks.
Are you annoyed by Baylen's win too, or do you love her little flying fists? Want to chime in on Ally and Em's adorableness? Sound off in the comments!