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Teen Mom Recap: Law, Have Mercy

Amber Portwood, Teen Mom Kamil Krzaczynski/INFphoto.com

Well, that was an unsettling episode of Teen Mom.

And no, we're not just talking about Butch's mullet.

Everything was topsy-turvy tonight…

MORE: Teen Mom 2 BFF Becomes a Teen Mom Too

Maci's baby daddy Ryan was mature and almost likable, teenagers Tyler and Catelynn were counseling their parent, and Farrah and Amber—the moms we love to hate—just made us sad and sympathetic.

With the long arm of the law knocking on everyone's door tonight, we expected Ryan to get tossed in a squad car, Teen Mom-style, after a violent confrontation with Kyle. Instead, the two chatted politely and shook hands, with Ryan looking on with approval (and was that wistfulness?) at the open affection shared between his son and the other father figure in Bentley's life.

Butch, fresh out of prison and eager to get his "freak on," received some paternal guidance too—from his teenage son, Tyler. Already busted for drug abuse, Butch's battery against his wife, April (Catelynn's mom) resulted in a no-contact order barring the spouses from seeing each other. That didn't stop April's plans to pick him up…from jail. Tyler intervened before the po-po could send dear dad back behind bars (until 2023!) and endured not only Butch's taunts about daughter Carly's adoption but also his monstrous ferret of a ponytail.

Worse than reliving Amber's legal problems was Gary's smug enjoyment of the drama, crowing, "She's not getting taken away from me!" when Amber worried about daughter Leah being removed by Child Protective Services. Of course, we all know Amber does lose her daughter (temporarily) and go to jail—ultimately ending up in a "rehab" facility after a suicide attempt. Maybe Gary is a good father, but he is a pretty despicable, grotesque person.

What's not to love about Farrah? Um, next question. Still it's too bad she doesn't have any friends (maybe she'll make some on the set of Charlie's Angels?) to console her as she grieves her baby daddy and battles his odious mother. Someone at the Social Security Administration needs to get with the program and watch Teen Mom (hey, the police in Indiana did!) so Farrah can receive the money she deserves. Those new boobs weren't free, you know.

MORE: Karma's a bitch: Gary Shirley arrested for driving with a suspended license

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