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    Afternoon Bitch-Back! Is Something Amiss With the Afflecks?

    Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner RAMEY PHOTO

    Dear Ted:
    I have been noticing for a while now that Jennifer Garner has been with the kids in pictures a lot and her husband (and their father) Ben Affleck is nowhere to be seen. Hmmm. Now a picture of all four at a restaurant surfaces, but both the kids are sitting on Jen's side. Something is not right with this.
    —Av

    Dear Domestic Drama:
    While there are definitely some issues in this par-tick parental group, you're reading a bit too much into a handful of pap pics, babe. Jen is definitely a mama bear and is very protective of her offspring, which may be why you spot her with her cutie kids more often. But the fam isn't afraid to get all patriotic together, so things can't be all bad, right? I've been saying for years they're toast, but they miraculously keep it together.

    Dear Ted:
    Us Weekly is reporting that Jennifer Aniston is going on a year-long hiatus. Is this just code talk for pregnant and getting married? Will the triangle finally end? Please say it is so!
    —4

    RELATED: Jennifer Garner Teaches Kids How to Eat Fresh This Summer

    Dear Adios Aniston:
    Psh, hardly. Trust, Jen will keep working even when she's not working, but I'm positive she isn't getting her mama on. She's already locked in a handful of flicks and since she's raking in a pretty huge paycheck, can you blame the babe for wanting to sit back and sip a margarita with her gal-pals?

    Dear Ted:
    Could Shelia Horn E. be a model with a foreign passport? Like one with blonde hair and long, long legs? Maybe even sporting a longer-than-usual name?
    —Pearl

    Dear Horn E Huntington:
    I take it you're hinting at Transformers star and new A.T. regular Rosie Huntington-Whiteley? You already know that Rosie isn't an angel (well, she is a Victoria's Secret Angel but whatever), and you've got quite the clever guess, but it isn't right. Rosie's Vice doesn't involve any lady-on-lady loving.

    Dear Ted:
    I love Alexander Skarsgård as much as you do, but I do feel like his boring relationship with Kate Bosworth is majorly dragging him down. I'm not saying he needs to have a scandalous personal life to be my fave, but being with her makes it seem like he has bad taste. If this is a PR couple then he should get out fast. Please tell me Alexander has better taste in his Vices than his girlfriends?
    —Jade

    Dear Boresworth:
    Oh, darling, trust me: A.Skar's Vice is so much sexier than his seemingly icy relaysh. But Alex and Kate aren't a PR coupling for the record, tho the blondie babes would seem to be the perfect twosome on paper.

    Dear Ted:
    The latest post about Fey Oiled-Tush raised a few Hollywood bearding questions for me, and I'm hoping you can clarify. It seems if the guy is secure being gay, the couple will go the test-tube route. But that leaves open the possibility that sometimes the couple will actually get busy under the sheets in the name of procreation. The petri dish makes it clear to me that it's truly a business deal. But I'm thinking that most of these bearded babies were probably conceived naturally, and that makes me wonder, do the beards really understand what their role is? I'm thinking that in many cases they're so desperate to further their own career that they agree to the arrangement without fully realizing what they're getting into.
    —Marina

    Dear Baby Oil:
    It's a business deal, babe. Except for a few (extremely douchey) occurrences, these wannabe-famous beards know exactly what they're getting into. It's broken down in contracts and paperwork galore. So whether the fakey twosome hits the sheets or the fertility clinic, the mama-to-be knows that the baby will be her ticket to the big leagues. Kinda sad, huh?

    PHOTOS: Fashion Spotlight: Jennifer Garner!

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