If those walls could talk.
We speak, of course, of the walls enclosing the office of Shawn Holley, the go-to defender of Young Hollywood's most notorious troublemakers, who's fast become a boldfaced name of her own. And who, most recently, has proven to the world that she just can't quit Lindsay Lohan.
Not that she hasn't tried a couple times.
In any case, the woman whose brain the celeb-watching world would most like to pick (and whose continued ability to keep a client out of jail the celeb-defending world would most like to steal) sat down exclusively with E! News Special Correspondent Allison Hope Weiner and told all—and we mean all—on her star clients'.
Including who among them got most royally screwed by the legal system.
"People think celebrities get it easier and a break, but the converse is true," Holley, who at one point or another has kept Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Kim Kardashian under her legal wing. "With someone in the spotlight, there is a lot of attention on the sheriffs and prosecutors, and they don't want people to know deals are being made."
Which is exactly what she was battling against to secure Lindsay's recent house arrest sentence, given in lieu of jail time. Holley denied claims that it was any sort of backdoor deal or that any special treatment was given.
"Anyone with her background would have gotten house arrest, she didn't get a special deal. I worried perception would harm her…But everyone—the judge, the courts—were professional, so it was fair. It was difficult in my mind. I believed public pressure would make the powers that be behave differently but she got what everyone would have."
What everyone wouldn't get is a skintight white minidress to don in court or show up in front of a notoriously no-nonsense judge with "F--k U" written on their nails.
Not that Holley seems all that upset by her client's manicure habits.
"No one was aware of it. The judge wasn't aware of it, the D.A. wasn't aware of it, I wasn't aware of it, I sat next to her all day, you could barely see it. Only a zooming in telephoto lens could see it and then broadcast it. No one in the court system saw it or knew about it at all."
The power lawyer was equally unfazed by LiLo's curious choice of courtroom attire.
"We have talked in the past about wardrobe. I didn't see the white dress before she wore it," Holley explained. "I have mixed feelings about that...was it the most appropriate dress for court? Probably not, but the reality is she's a young beautiful starlet.
"That's probably conservative by her standards," she laughed. "It sold out. I'm sorry, I won't tell her to dress in an argyle sweater all buttoned up. That's transparent and phony, too."
We take it that today's black slacks and a button-down oxford shirt pass her phony test.
Still, while Holley isn't there to play the role of parent, she does consider herself something of a protector and says she offers up advice when needed.
"People want to live their life," Holley said. "I have to give my best advice, but they make the decisions...but I try to be as mature as I can and not say I told you so."
Which must be trying at the best of times.
As for the circus that constantly surrounds Lindsay (take this morning's ultimately positive hearing as exhibit A), Holley just chalks that up to the nature of working with star clients.
"I hearken back to the last time in court with [Lindsay], she was remanded into custody and there were huge news trucks with satellites and people yelling at her, and there was this sense of foreboding, people wanting something bad to happen," Holley recalled. "I feel it's an honor to be there as her protector."
But for all her problems, Holley doesn't believe it was Lindsay who got the rawest deal. That (dis)honor goes to none other than Paris Hilton.
"Paris was without a doubt treated harsher," she said. "I don't know if it was public pressure...It was outrageous. What I'm saying is a fact, honestly. No one gets that. No one gets treated like that."
Guess getting the celebrity treatment isn't always a good thing.