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    Afternoon Bitch-Back! Visions of Closeted Gays and Gaga Fill Readers' Dreams!

    Lady Gaga, Paul O'Grady Show

    Dear Ted:
    I had this dream the other night. Lady Gaga was performing "Born This Way" at the Oscars, and she dedicated it to all of the closeted actors and actresses in the audience—not by name, of course—and invited them to stand up, be proud and join her on the stage. At first, it was just Gaga, but then Neil Patrick Harris went up on stage and Jane Lynch. Then a few other out celebs went up. Slowly, other celebs went up. Jake Gyllenhaal, Taylor Lautner, James Franco, Hugh Jackman, Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman and Kristen Stewart (K went first, by the way) all went up. Everyone was cheering and celebrating. Things got a bit X-rated from there, but anyway, my point is, Was my subconscious onto anything there? Any of these celebs (not asking which, of course) in the closet?
    —Wanda

    Dear Magic Wanda:
    Oh if only coming out were this simple in Hollywood—just like a dream! Unfortunately, reality is much harsher. There are definitely some question marks on that subconscious list of yours, darlin', but it's for them to say who they are, not us. But your sleeping self was pretty off with some of these folks. Second, get yourself a freakin' dream journal and give me the deets.

    Dear Ted:
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you once say that Terry Tush-Trade is more famous than Twyla Babe-Sucker? If I'm remembering correctly and you did say this, I'm wondering if the actor represented by the Blind Vice name is more famous or if the Blind Vice moniker itself is more famous (as it is discussed more)? Could you please clear this up for me?
    —Mitch

    RELATED: Blind Vice! Crotch Uh-Lastic Takes to the Sexy Skies

    Dear Famous Two T's:
    The B.V. and the person behind it are more famous here, babe. Way more famous. 

    Dear Ted:
    You're such an inspiration when it comes to calling out injustices to minority groups all around the world! I know you have been a faithful supporter of GLBT and women's rights. Now, my question is, will you please tell me why Ryan Reynolds is not getting any flack for his racially insensitive comments? "Up until I was like, 18, I looked like a Vietnamese girl." As one myself, I can't help but be offended. I know he's a yummy beefcake, but that doesn't mean he should be let off the hook! I think he should apologize, but there's not enough coverage on this story. We've seen Tracy Morgan, Blake Shelton and even Lady Gaga go through the ring of fire called the media for their comments on minorities. These demeaning comments need to stop, and if you could shed some more light on it, please do so. Thank you so much!
    —TN

    Dear Pissy Missy:
    Ryan's not saying Vietnamese girls aren't totally gorgeous. He's saying he looked like one in high school. And as the buff Ryan Reynold's we know and love today, he probably thought it'd be funny to tell people he looked like a girl. Big deal. Ryan was just pickin' on himself. Trace and Blake, on the other hand, meant what they said and were deliberately bashing a group of people. And while the words the Lady herself used were probs not the best, I think the minority-lovin' Gaga meant well, too.

    Dear Ted:
    If Kristen Stewart is such a Blind Vice superstar, shouldn't Robert Pattinson's friends and family be worried about her being a bad influence?
    —Kate

    Dear Tsk Tsk:
    Like I said, R.Pattz isn't much behind his lady friend, so it's pretty much an equally Vicey relationship. Basically R's kin have plenty to focus on besides miss K.Stew.

    PHOTOS: Fashion Spotlight: Lady Gaga

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