The Universal Royalty Pageant has gone totally '80s, and Toddlers & Tiaras brought out the big glitz guns for a Texas showdown: Self-proclaimed "real famous" star Eden Wood vs. Tasmanian Devil stand-in Makenzie.
Let's ready our pretty feet and discuss what went down in tonight's season premiere…
Born This Way? First off, a shout-out to the TLC promo department for choosing Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" as the theme music in the ads for tonight's show. Because what li'l darling is born with a spray-tan hue, flippered teeth and shellacked curls, right? Go glitz or go home, indeed.
Eden Hits Hollywood (Boulevard): Did you know Eden Wood is a superstar? If her mother keeps repeating it enough, it must be true! The 6-year-old even got all tarted up to shake her booty on the Walk of Fame—just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman!
RIP Ni-Ni: While the "hard-working lady" is retired, she left her mark not only on Makenzie's psyche, but on her crooked little teeth as well, meaning Maks got—gasp!—a flipper. Was anybody else squicked out by the sight of our favorite little demon diva with Chiclet chompers? Just us? We always sorta envisioned her going from the pacifier straight to cigarettes.
Dropping the B-Word: Props to mama Mickie for calling out daughter Eden on being "a brat," but you do know you're the one responsible for creating that monster, right, Dr. Frankenstein?
And the Winner Is… While neither of the featured girls took home the Ultimate Grand Supreme title and that swanky canopy bed (Oh the tears!), Makenzie is still top toddler in our eyes. Even when she's having a meltdown, she sparkles better than any plastic crown.
In 50 Years: Wouldn't you love to see a production of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? starring Eden and Makenzie?
So, did the right gal win the whole Nacho Grand Supreme enchilada? Are you Team Makenzie or Team Eden? Throw your own tantrum in the comments!
(Originally published June 15, 2011, at 8:06 p.m. PT)