Aquaman's turning 70 comic-book years old today. Make that, 70 movie-free years old. (And, no, Vince's Entourage version doesn't count.)
While we wish the septuagenarian Sea King a good one—with his big comeback in the rebooted DC Universe, he seems to be doing better than ever—he's still not on tap for the big screen anytime soon.
In this piece originally published last June, we looked at the spandex-wearers, who despite our superhero-crazy times, in which even Ant Man's a playa, still don't have movies, movie deals and/or attached writers-directors.
So, who (other than Aquaman) deserves a close-up?
1. Wonder Woman: This first spot easily could've gone to Aquaman, but at least he can pretend James Cameron made a movie about him. The Amazonian's completely out of luck. See, while she hasn't been ignored by Hollywood, she hasn't been treated well, either. (And, since we're focusing on movies, not TV, this assessment doesn't count the failed NBC pilot.) The short version is Wonder Woman is just like Superman, except with a bra and without a big-screen adventure. Not even the Flash, Luke Cage or poor Martian Manhunter have been in development hell for so many years.
2. Batwing: He's new, he's flies, he reminds that white males don't own the patent on crime-fighting.
3. She-Hulk: So, let's get this straight: Hulk gets a movie, a reboot and, despite his lack of box-office prowess in both flicks, a spot in the upcoming The Avengers, while his cousin gets a Brigitte Nielsen promotional still for a never-was TV pilot?! Green males don't own the patent on crime-fighting, either.
4. Forever People: Wanna make Superman cool? Let him cameo alongside this trippy band of Jack Kirby hippies, just like the Man of Steel did back in the Day-Glo day. As an added bonus, the story would pit the crew against one of comics' all-time great baddies, Darkseid. (Why should the small-screen's Smallville have all the fun?)
5. Super Goof: The Green Hornet tried, but failed to lighten up the increasingly solemn superhero flick. In lieu of another Fantasic Four sequel, how about letting Disney's goober-chomping doofus take some air out of the Caped Crusader's tires? And unlike Underdog, maligned in a 2007 film, Super Goof is supposed to be a doofus, so no heavy-handed dumbing-down would be necessary.
(Originally published June 13, 2011, at 6:44 a.m. PT)