TOTAL ECLIPSE: In grand Twilight fashion, the saga's third film cleaned up at the 2011 MTV Movie Awards. But what the bronzed-popcorn fest will really be remembered for, of course, is Robert Pattinson's full-on lip-lock with Taylor Lautner (maybe he and Kristen Stewart will finally give the fans what they want when Breaking Dawn Part 2 wins them Best Kiss for the fifth straight year), the Breaking Dawn Part 1 trailer, Reese Witherspoon unloading on reality stars, scandal-plagued starlets and sex-tape makers, and Nikki Reed revealing to E! News that she and American Idol alum Paul McDonald are already engaged.
And that was just last Sunday afternoon! Catch up on what else mattered this week right here...
KHLOÉ & FRIENDS: Khloé Kardashian Odom accidentally flashed a not-quite-bare but still highly noticeable nipple during an appearance on FNC's Fox & Friends (as if Fox News didn't have enough on its plate with the whole Sarah Palin-Tina Fey mix-up) and gleefully blogged about it later. Lamar Odom prefers all of her nip slips to occur in the comfort of their own home, however.
KARDASHIAN KASH: Entrepreneur of the Year Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are finalizing a prenuptial agreement to ensure that their respective millions don't change hands in the event they get divorced...Talk about your interleague play! Just weeks into her engagement, Kim and her lawyers are already fending off a rumor that she cheated on Kris with New England Patriot Bret Lockett—a rumor started by Lockett, who should really zipett. (Edie Falco could not be reached for comment.)
THE OTHER SISTER: Kourtney Kardashian is in no rush to follow in either Kim or Khloé's footsteps. (She was talking about weddings, but she probably meant nipple slippage, too.)
WEINER MOBILE: U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner lived up to his, er, name and turned into a national punchline by first denying, and then anticlimactically admitting, that he had tweeted a pic of his, er, member of congress to a young lady. He has not admitted, however, to emailing porn star Ginger Lee to cover up a sexting scandal. Regardless, Donald Trump couldn't let the moment pass. Even longtime pal Jon Stewart had to do the responsible thing and go crazy with Weiner jokes.
WHEN YOU'RE A JET: Turns out Hayden Panettiere is dating the other guy she went to In-N-Out with, New York Jets rookie Scotty McKnight, who's buds with star quarterback (and Hayden's rumored love interest) Mark Sanchez.
KING'S (ACCEPTANCE) SPEECH: Colin Firth was chosen by Queen Elizabeth II to be given one of Great Britain's highest honors, Commander of the British Empire. The rank gives him the option to use the letters CBE after his name. Snazzy.
TASTE POLICE: After going on an antigay rant during his comedy show, Tracy Morgan heeded the outraged calls for an apology and apologized. And you can bet his 30 Rock family had some things to say about it.
BABY BOOM: Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany welcomed a daughter, their second child...Peter Dinklage will be a first-time dad with wife Erica Schmidt...Friends threw Kate Hudson and Matthew Bellamy a baby shower in Malibu...Piers Morgan expecting his fourth child and first with second wife Celia Walden...Lauryn Hill is expecting her sixth child with...?
WEDDING BELLS: Karina Smirnoff and Brad Penny have set a date and place.
UNHITCHING POST: Jason Mraz and fiancée Tristan Prettyman have called the whole thing off...Jack White and wife of six years, Karen Elson, decide to call it quits. But instead of drowning in sorrow over their unholy matrimony, they threw a party! Seriously.
ROYAL FLUSH: Will we ever get tired of pretty pictures of HRH William, Duke of Cambridge, and his bride, HRH Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge? Hells to the no! (But we would never hack into her personal info, unlike some people.) Here they are looking dashing and lovely, respectively, at the 10th annual Absolute Return for Kids gala in London. And here's the lady of the hour stepping out on Derby Day. It sure doesn't look like the princess, née Kate Middleton, needs help pulling herself together.
TV LAND: Meet this season's So You Think You Can Dance Top 20...The Voice goes live with voices blazing and Adam Levine swearing...Bentley sent himself packing on The Bachelorette, but Chris Harrison says the drama isn't over yet...Get acquainted with the first annual TV Critics' Choice Awards...MTV cancels Skins, but that's OK, because the very not-like-Twilight Teen Wolf has a lot of sex, too...Laurence Fishburne won't be returning to CSI...It's Tater Tops time again, so be sure to let us know about your favorite comedy, reality show!...Criminal Minds' Thomas Gibson and Matthew Gray Gubler explain what's up with their contracts...New Jersey Housewife Caroline Manzo's restaurant caught fire...Orange County Housewives Gretchen Rossi and Tamra Barney are going at it...Jon Cryer says "no one saw" the Charlie Sheen thing coming...A day after Meredith Vieira signed off from Today, Ann Curry assumed the position...ABC confirmed that Katie Couric will be hosting a syndicated talk show when General Hospital is supposed to be on...Chris Colfer scores a book deal...Is Desperate Housewives just about done?...Maybe the Jersey Shore kids best be saying "arrivederci" to Italy...Josh Duhamel will return to All My Children before it ends...SPOILER ZONE!
MUSICAL NOTES: Trace Adkins lost his Brentwood, Tenn., home in a fire, but his family escaped unharmed...Taylor Swift's "Mine" won Video of the Year at the fans'-choice CMT Music Awards...Gabrielle Union gets Rihanna's "Man Down" video, says she tried to shoot her rapist in self-defense...Gwen Stefani's ready to redevote herself to No Doubt...James Franco is finally going to cut an EP (could be a drag, though)...Justin Bieber gifted three signed guitars to the Beckham kids...Katy Perry plays against type to promote "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" video...Lupe Fiasco has fightin' words for Barack Obama...Eminem disses more famous folks in "A Kiss"...Jennifer Hudson signs up to pen a weight-loss memoir...Lauren Alaina had the highest single debut for an Idol runner-up in six years...Richie Sambora heads back to Bon Jovi tour after rehab.
SCREEN PLAY: Emma Watson points out the Perks of Being a Wallflower...Kellan Lutz reflects on the epic Breaking Dawn twofer...Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively shed light on The Green Lantern...Anne Hathaway got a little overzealous during a Dark Knight Rises fight scene...Sacha Baron Cohen is unrecognizable again in The Dictator...Here's a Super 8 primer, just in time for the film's release...Here's some Girl With the Dragon Tattoo analysis...The Hunger Games' fiercest battle may come against Twilight...Naomie Harris could be suiting up (and probably stripping down) for the next James Bond film...Check out little Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson screen-testing for the first Harry Potter film...Salt sequel in the works? Why? We don't know...Here's a whole lot of Green Lantern.
GAMING: Check out the 10 coolest games being shown off at E3 this year.
LAW & DISORDER: Ja Rule shipped off to prison for two years...Jennifer Lopez's ex ordered to take any naked footage of her straight to the bank...Estella Warren can't escape the rap for alleged hit-and-run...Lindsay Lohan scores a restraining order, as does Eva Mendes...Flo Rida was popped for DUI...Reassignment for cops being investigated for Charlie Sheen's D.C. police escort...Jesse James is footing the vet bill after his pit bull attacked another dog...U.S. Supreme Court refuses to bother with Wesley Snipes...Hangover bit player Douglas Brian Irvin Jr. busted in Vegas for alleged sexual assault and impersonating a police officer...Break-in at John Malkovich's Prague hotel room...
TEEN MAMA DRAMA: Amber Portwood got probation and a suspended jail sentence after copping to beating on her baby daddy...Mother of 16 and Pregnant's Whitney Purvis busted for alleged meth and pot possession.
PARENT TRAP: Jason London tells his ex he's too broke to keep up with montly $1,000 child support payments.
FEUDAL TIMES: Paris Hilton denied being a brat backstage at The View after Barbara Walters and Whoopi Goldberg questioned her public persona...Damon Lindelof thinks twice about slamming January Jones' acting chops.
HOSPITAL CORNER: Camp Rock 2's Matthew "MDot" Finley is back home, yet still in a wheelchair, after his scary motorcycle crash...Nicolas Cage's newly married son, Weston Cage, ended up in the psych ward after cops responded to reports of a fight in Hollywood...Sean Kingston has been upgraded to "serious" condition after Miami jet ski crash...Selena Gomez was rushed to the hospital after her Tonight Show appearance Thursday from feeling nauseous and a severe headache. We think it's just a bad case of Bieber fever...Jennifer Hudson went to the emergency room for severe abdominal pains on Friday after performing on Good Morning America.
FAREWELL: Musician and songwriter Andrew Gold, whose "Thank You for Being a Friend" became the Golden Girls theme song, died at 59...Cosby Show actress Clarice Taylor was laid to rest at a funeral in Harlem.
GRIST FOR THE MILL: Does Alec Baldwin want to be the mayor of New York City?...Is Colin Firth dabbling in neuroscience?...Did Elisabetta Canalis just doom her relationship with George Clooney by declaring her intention to get married?...Is American Idol also-ran Ace Young stripping for Chippendales?...Will Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied be the next couple to say they're not getting married until everybody else can, too?
FASHION TAPE: Helena Bonham Carter is the face of Marc Jacobs' fall 2011 campaign (but her shoes presumably won't be the official feet)...Lady Gaga didn't actually mean to include Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour in her bitch posse...Gaga's little sis Natali was on hand to watch her pop-superstar sister be honored with the Style Icon award at the 2011 CFDA Awards.
SURREAL ESTATE: Katie Couric acquired a lovely vacation home in the Hamptons for $6.3 million...Kate Hudson snatched up the six-bedroom house next door to her current residence in the Pacific Palisades for $5.3 million...David Charvet and Brooke Burke's spacious Malibu home is on the market for $12.5 million...Ryan Murphy takes Charlize Theron's Malibu bungalow off her hands for $6.562 million...When in London, Kate and Wills will reside at Kensington Palace. Priceless.
SEEN: Leonardo DiCaprio catching an NBA Finals game with pals at Goal in L.A. (except for when he snuck out for banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery, aw)...Leo and Blake Lively enjoying after-hours at Disneyland...K.Stew eating inside London's St. John Hotel and chastely partying at the Groucho Club with On the Road costars Garrett Hedlund and R.Pattz pal Tom Sturridge...Gwen Stefani strolling with son Zuma at the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens in Pasadena, Calif....Jay Mohr giving his baby boy Meredith a bottle at an L.A. park...Dakota Fanning tossing her cap in the air at her high school graduation ceremony, held at L.A.'s Walt Disney Concert Hall...Jessica Biel hitching a ride on the back of Gerard Butler's motorcycle... Jessica Simpson and fiancé Eric Johnson strolling the Yale University campus with Jessica Alba and hubby Cash Warren, who, like Johnson, is class of 2001...Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux afterpartying with Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez at West Hollywood's Soho House after the MTV Movie Awards...Kim Kardashian showing up solo and hanging with Robin Antin at the Greater Los Angeles Agency on Deafness, hosted by Ken Paves, at the WeHo House of Blues...Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson looking perfectly friendly at Spike TV's Guys' Choice Awards.