Tuesday marked the first night of live competition on The Voice, and boy was it live!
While praising her mighty talented team member Beverly McClellan, Christina Aguilera joked that the only thing Adam Levine (who had originally wanted Beverly for his own team) could destroy were his pants.
"What does that even mean?" the puzzled Maroon 5 frontman replied. "You know, you're always talking about soiling your pants," Xtina explained. "I soil myself now?" he asked. "Yes," she insisted.
Christina continued with her critique, only to be interrupted seconds later by Adam shouting, "Beverly, you were so good I s--t myself!" (And that was loud and clear, no bleep.)
Maybe the battle rounds aren't really over yet...
Blake Shelton, for one, was digging at Christina right off the bat.
"Damn it!" he quipped when it came time to judge contestant No. 1 from Team Xtina, 16-year-old Raquel Castro, who kicked the night off promisingly enough with a flashy cover of Ke$ha's "Blow."
"I can't believe she did something right!" he marveled of his fellow judge.
But you can be sure Christina put him in his place moments later.
"Are you done? It's about him, not you right now, Blake," Christina said pointedly when the country star whooped loudly after team member Jared Blake's performance of Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody" when it was supposed to be the pop star's turn to talk.
And, like she said, tonight was supposed to be about the promising new talent, so more on that...
Beverly, the bald firebrand from Team Xtina whom Adam fought for during the audition round and duly shat himself over, channeled the essence of Melissa Etheridge on "I'm the Only One," and she had the stage presence to back up her strong vocals.
"The one that got away," Adam sighed.
Dia Frampton of Team Blake turned in perhaps the most original performance of the night (we'll see whether the voters are into that kind of thing tomorrow), turning Kanye West's "Heartless" into a fiery, Fiona/Tori-style piano piece. Very cool.
"That's probably the greatest rendition of a song I've ever heard," Cee Lo Green said. "That was the most refreshing, unique thing I've seen on the show so far," agreed Adam.
Xenia, also of Team Blake, needs to work on her presence a bit, however. She turned in a pleasant but ultimately pretty sleep rendition of Jessie J's "Price Tag." At parts during the refrain, it sounded like her voice was trailing off, rather than her purposely handing it off to the backup singers.
Well, the judges thought she was terrific, so perhaps we were still too busy LOLing over the non-bleep from earlier in the evening to notice.
Team Xtina's Lily Elise got the party restarted with a soulful version of Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry." The judges dug it, but both Adam and Blake questioned Christina's staging choices.
"Was it your idea to have the four mimes standing behind her?" Blake asked his fellow judge, referring to Lily's backup dancers.
"Just because you haven't done a dance move in your life…" Christina retorted.
Harmony was restored, temporarily at least, when Blake took to the stage (meaning he was no longer sitting next to Christina) with his team to perform Maroon 5's "This Love."
Adam's gleeful reaction? Priceless.
"Excellent song choice," Adam declared afterward. "You're so much bigger than everyone else, Blake."
"Taller," he clarified. "Longer."
"That's what she said," quipped Blake. "That's nice, real classy," host Carson Daly added to the evening's comedy routine.
Afteward, Patrick Thomas of Team Blake donned a cowboy hat and crooned Lee Ann Womack's "I Hope You Dance."
Cee Lo called him a "consummate professional," and it was all downhill from there.
"I'm waiting for you to take off your pants," raved Christina (most people would have said "shirt" instead of "pants," but hey, this show is obviously a different beast).
"First of all, Christina Aguilera wants to do it with you," Adam began, to which she retorted, "You and Blake want to do it with each other or something."
Frenchie Davis, of Team Xtina, closed the show with David Guetta's (and Kelly Rowland's) "When Love Takes Over," showing the pop-diva chops she's been aching to show the world for years.
Minus a little dancers vs. mimes quibbling between Blake and Christina, all was a veritable lovefest afterward.
And now, it's in the hands of the audience, who have until next Monday night to vote—in keeping with the very interactive nature of the proceedings, downloading the performances on iTunes counts as votes—and the two people going home will be revealed on next Tuesday's show. The members of Team Cee Lo and Team Adam will have at it, as well.
Meanwhile, we've realized at least one thing: Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell are going to have to sink to new levels (or reach new highs?) to rival this group when they return to TV this fall.
(Originally published June 7, 2011, at 8:30 p.m. PT)