As Oprah Winfrey herself tells us at the top of the new OWN Network production, the Dr. Laura Berman Show, "it's time to make intimacy a priority."
And that includes personal intimacy. Or, as the wise doctor says, "self-stimulation. I'm a big fan of it."
She's not the only one.
Listen, young man. At some point soon, you'll get a job. You'll work at that job as the days turn into months and the months into years until you wake up one morning and realize that masturbation and pastries have changed from something to pass the time to the absolute highlight of your day.
Trust us on this one.