There's no going back for Maria Shriver.
The former first lady of California has filed for divorce from Arnold Schwarzenegger after 25 years of marriage and who knows how many unsettling revelations, E! News confirmed Friday. The estranged power couple have four children together, ages 13 to 21.
Shriver cited the ever-humbling "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the split, but alas, pretty much everyone with electricity knows those two little words are laden with even more meaning than usual.
According to the petition filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court, Shriver is asking for spousal support and joint custody of their minor children, 17-year-old Patrick and 13-year-old Christopher. There reportedly was no prenuptial agreement so, if that's the case, the duo's assets will be split down the middle, per California law.
Shriver has stipulated that she does not want to pay support to Schwarzenegger, but it would take quite the pair of cojones for him to ask for that, wouldn't it?
Not long after Schwarzenegger's last day as California governor came in January, Shriver moved out of their Brentwood home and into a Beverly Hills hotel. They announced their separation on May 9 and, the following week, the Governator turned Sperminator admitted to fathering a child out of wedlock.
It turned out that he hit close to home.
His mistress was identified as the family's former housekeeper, Mildred Patricia "Patty" Baena, and a quick dig through public records turned up the child's birth certificate. The paperwork also revealed that the boy was born five days after Arnold and Maria's youngest child, Christopher.
Their oldest kids, Katherine and Patrick, switched their surnames from Schwarzenegger to Shriver on Twitter the following day.
Photos were promptly unearthed showing Schwarzenegger and Baena's not-quite-ex-husband hugging at the boy's christening. Rogelio de Jesus Baena claimed in an interview with Entertainment Tonight that he only just found out that the now 13-year-old kid was his son, but Patty then threatened to sue E.T. for airing lies. She maintains that Baena, whom she moved to divorce in 2008, not only knew the truth for years but also has a history of infidelity and never supported her, the child in question or another son they have together.
Patty ultimately gave her side of the sordid story to the U.K. rag Hello, saying that she confessed the affair to Shriver when her former boss asked about it "point blank."
"She was so strong," she recalled. "She cried with me and told me to get off my knees. We held each other and I told her it wasn't Arnie's fault, that it takes two."
Regardless, one revelation begets another (or several), and sure enough, another alleged Schwarzenegger fling hired the Mistress of Mistress Representation, Gloria Allred, and gave an interview to Extra. The California Attorney General's Office is also supposedly gearing up to investigate with the stalled Terminator ever misused public money for his own illicit agenda. Schwarzenegger lawyer Marty Singer has blasted allegations of professional wrongdoing as absurd and motivated by profit.
Shriver enlisted the services of top-flight L.A. divorce attorney Laura Wasser, an accomplice to many a celebrity split over the years, while Schwarzenegger hired the similarly reputable Robert Kaufman (Aniston vs. Pitt or Simpson vs. Lachey, anybody?) for his side of the table.
The opposing sides reportedly met up way in advance of the official filing to start hammering out what we presume will be many, many details.
(Originally published July 1, 2011, at 3:37 p.m. PT)