If there's a silver lining to the whole Arnold Schwarzenegger scandal—and, of course, there isn't, really—it's the wide array of colorful Arnie AKA's available to our wildy creative news conglomerates. You simply won't find a richer vein of celeb sex scandal quips. Unless Andy Dick gets someone pregnant.

Now, so you don't have to waste time actually watching the news, The Joelinator has complied all the heartwarming hilarity in one big chunk.

And don't forget to come back for seconds tonight when a swell new Soup beams your way at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

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