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Nothing like a little matter of homicide-for-hire to make reporting the news like a Hollywood pitch meeting, and when you throw in a couple gay go-go studs, well, who needs exploitative reality shows when you've got serious journalism?

Not you, that's for sure, and not Joel, who anchors all this and more tonight on an incisive new Soup at 10p.m. ET/PT.

Can't stand the wait? Read on for Swift gratification, Nancy Grace–style ...