UPDATE: We'll admit—we may have gotten our gay panties in a twist on this one. 'Cause we initially pegged the herp jerk as one of our fagalicious BV fellows, but it seems there's a clue in the lawsuit that most prying eyes overlooked—that the screwed-over someone is a chick! After pages and pages of trying to hide the Plantiff's gender, the unlucky clerk wraps by demanding "her claims" go to trial. Whoopsies! Clerical error? Or not?
In that case, our money is on previous long shot Saucy Bossy and his sometimes-womanizing ways. Or possibly Crescent Kumquat, who likes to boink a babe from time to time and isn't a stranger to STDS (or the Vegas party scene).
And we can't forget Super-Duper Cooper, whose sleazy sexcapades make us want to barf every time. This kind of gross-out garbage is the stuff that made him infamous behind closed doors.
Either way, it seems the lying lothario is quickly dishing out the dough to cover his scandalous tracks. Ha! Like something this scandalous will just get swept under the carpet. Lawyers may be trying to throw us off this perv's trouble-making track, but we think we've got him nailed. So who's your best guess?
We interrupt this regularly scheduled Blind Vice to weigh in on yesterday's scandalous celebrity lawsuit.
(We were planning on telling you Shellack Attack has already ditched that dude she was two-timing her much more famous bf with, because the guy was just too plebian, poor Shellack's climbing as fast as she can!)
Which megaceleb is getting slapped with a $20 million lawsuit because he gave his sex partner herpes, and videotaped the whole unsafe-sex act as it was going down?
Hmm. We're just going to call this guy Schmuck-Wad Stupid-Ass, and we might add, he sounds an awful lot like some contenders from our Blind Vice Hall of Fame, right?
At the top of our guessing game would have to be...
Seymour Plow-Me More, the Hollywood A-lister who keeps on (time after friggin' time) flagrantly putting his homo out there in semi-public places, all the while maintaining an ostensibly heterosexual life for the media.
I mean, this guy has plane-loads of dudes flown all over the world—by straight pilots who talk! And this is just one example of how Seymour lives to take chances, as is clear from the lawsuit itself, if you read every little dirty detail.
Now, also known to take dumb-butt chances, once in awhile, would have to be...
Toothy Tile, who we're simply praying isn't this arrogant Schmuck-Wad creep. Come on, there's a difference between wanting to just get your sex on in a dark alley, say, and filming it while giving somebody herpes! Now, Toothy's made some pretty moronic moves in his life, but not even he's this dim—or full of himself.
Probably not quite this insanely risky, either, would be...
Fey Oiled-Tush, who just lives to set up his elaborate flying harems (what is it with closeted gay actors and planes, what, they think it's not going to get back to anybody because it happened up in the air?). But he also abides—just as vigilantly—on having all his tracks covered. In other words, all these witnesses must sign non-disclosure agreements, not that that crap actually stops people from talking, but it does succeed in creating a certain chill somebody like Schmuck-Wad Stupid-Ass has no desire to create.
A less obvious choice, too, might just be...
Saucy Bossy, who even though he does prefer the down-low company of other men, does—from time to time (and certainly more often than Toothy, for instance) actually date and have sex with other women. And there's something peculiarly plausible, if you read the details just right, about this lawsuit that leaves the possibility the "mutual self-gratification" that went on, prior to the unsafe intercourse, etc., could have been between a man and a woman.
But we still guess it's between two men. And who shows up more often in the Vice annals that that combo?
Tellin' ya, we've probably written about Schmuck-Wad before.