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Kate Middleton's Diabolical Plan: Make Pippa More Popular?!

Pippa Middleton Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

Kate who? Suddenly, it's all about Pippa Middleton.

Is that just the way Prince William's bride planned it? Consider:

Conspiracy Corner, Comic Con 2009 Brick

Less than two weeks after the royal wedding, the ceremony's tallest bridesmaid has become, in the estimate of the New York Times, "a global phenomenon."

Pippa is talked about, written about, and old photos of her in her undies are ogled about.

She is hyped by the British press (and the Facebook faithful) as judge material for the U.K. version of X Factor.

She is to be immortalized on Sept. 9, three days after her 28th birthday, with Pippa Middleton Ass Appreciation Day.

So, yes, as we and the Times said, Pippa is a global phenomenon.

Meanwhile, back at whatshername's…

Kate is an old, boring married, who does nothing of note all day, allowing her time to, you know, leak an underwear shot here… Whisper an X Factor rumor there… Convince a certain someone that her bridesmaid dress does not draw attention to her caboose…

Now, why you ask, would Kate do such devious things—and to own sister, no less?

To avoid becoming Princess Diana II.

If Kate's any kind of a student of royal history, she knows no good can come of the world being fixated on one capitivating royal. So, she's set about to create two captivating royals! The better to deflect the heat! The better to throw off the press! The better to have a good laugh over Ass Appreciation Day!

There's just one thing…

The Middletons, presumably all of them, have just lodged a formal complaint over a series of five-year-old, Pippa-in-a-bikini shots published over the weekend by the British tabs. 

That doesn't sound like a clan, or a Kate, that's dead-set on turning Pippa into a global phenomenon at any cost.

And it's just as well, too.

If Pippa really were on the U.K. X Factor, we non-subjects in the states wouldn't get to see the show anyway.

RELATED: Is Pippa Kate's lady-in-waiting (and, um, what is a lady-in-waiting)?!

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