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    Afternoon Bitch-Back! Did Kristen Stewart Ever Suck Face with Russell Brand?

    Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, New Moon, Russell Brand Summit Entertainment; Gregg DeGuire/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    In June 2009 a pretty reputable tabloid "reported" that Kristen Stewart was making out with Russell Brand in an L.A. club. I always thought that was the most random piece of gossip ever. Then I found out recently that Kristen's doppelganger, actress Theresa Palmer, had dated Brand around that time. What say you Ted-did Kristen have a random hookup with Brand pre-Katy Perry, did the tabloid receive a faulty gossip tip from someone who mistook Theresa for Kristen, or none of the above?
    —Nina

    Dear The Great Rat Detective:
    Picturing Kristen locking lips, and tongues, with Russell makes us want to vom, but literally. It's a bit harsh that you people would even think the babe would stoop that direction. While the man is a comic genius, he looks like he doesn't shower. Pre-K.P. or after, I highly doubt Kristen would even let herself have a nightmare about this. It was probably that Theresa chick. Explains why no one really cares and totally forgot about the "scandal." Great investigative work though, hon!

    Dear Ted:
    Love you and your column! My question is about Rob Lowe. Have you read his new book? It's amazeballs. The only thing I was disappointed about was he never mentioned the nanny scandal from a few years back. What's up with that?
    —Anna

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    Dear Where's the Real Lowe-down:
    No question about it that hot man wants to put his dirty, sleazy past behind him. I mean, the whole sex tape thing barely got mentioned and that was huge! But his reasoning is clear: Lowe's career is about to re-boom and he doesn't need extra trash lying around. The lawsuit got dismissed back in 2009 and I think it's only fair we remember that—but, Lowe should have at least addressed it.

    Dear Ted:
    You answered a question about Rob Pattinson saying he has plenty of "game," but that he only uses it on one woman. I was just wondering if you know what kind of "game" he used to have before Kristen? Like, was he a cute flirt or a gross one?
    —watergurl123

    Dear Game Planner:
    Have you seen any interviews with the dude? He is so precious, shy, and a total geek. He definitely has that dweeb you'd like to you know look going for him. And, we are beyond sure that's how he landed any of his women prior to K.Stew. Heck, we are pretty sure that's how he nabbed her, too. Rob's the farthest thing from intimidating and that's what some of these young girls need to feel comfortable. Don't you wish they breed them more British around him?

    Dear Ted:
    Is Toothy Tile Leonardo DiCaprio? Your response to the question about Leo & Bar mentioned he'd rather play with the boys "in the end." Was that a hint?
    —strayerch240

    Dear Wrong, Real Wrong:
    Nope, Leo plays a little differently than our good friend Tooth!

    Dear Ted:
    Is Cookie Mucher Angie Harmon?
    —eileenmegan77

    Dear Munching on Models:
    No. Cookie didn't really do much TV in her day. Plus, will never be as peppy as Angie. That gal is too goody-goody to be a muncher, let's be real.

    Dear Ted:
    Love you, so I'm sure you've seem Liam Hemsworth's role in Satisfaction, a Showtime series in Australia. Check it out (Netflix it), hot! Speaking of Miley, how are things going for the babe? Seems like a crazy time in life to be on tour. XOXO,
    —Sitting pretty on Molokai

    Dear Still Singing Strong:
    Will definitely check it out, doll! Liam, and his bro Chris, are too hot. As is Liam's on-and-off gf's tour right now. Gal is super busy it seems, but has enough time to be tweeting some quite friendly "friends" like musician Jared Followill, while also advertising Chris Hemsworth's Thor interviews. Interesting? Either way, she's still seeing Liam—for now—and still singing her little heart out. Bless her.

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