What if Kate Middleton were Mexican? Are Kate and William kissing cousins? And why did Pippa dare to wear white? These are the questions of the hour as royal watchers wag their tongues and clutch their pearls in the wake of the so-called Wedding of the Eon. Leave it to your Answer B!tch to handle all of those questions, and more, in this very royal Lightning Round.
Why did Pippa wear white? Isn't it awfully distasteful for someone to wear white to a wedding (other than the bride of course)?
—Pablo, via Facebook
The white maid-of-honor dress would seem like a ballsy break from tradition. But ...
... England does, apparently, have a tradition involving all-white bridal parties. Plus, given that all eyes were likely going to be on Kate no matter what she wore—and that Kate herself probably approved the look of her bridal party—a white column dress really shouldn't cause anybody to clutch pearls. For the record, fashion snobs agree, including Tim Gunn, who said, "I like the counterpoint that they gave each other. Very interesting that Pippa would wear that dress everyone predicted Catherine would wear."
What if Kate Middleton were Japanese or Mexican? Would he still marry her?
—Samantha S., via Facebook
Until relatively recently, Prince William would have faced quite a bit of pressure to marry anyone but a Brit. For hundreds of years, royal children were considered pawns to be used to forge foreign alliances via marriage. Henry VIII, for example—you know, that guy on The Tudors?—married a woman from Germany and a Spanish infanta, among others. (And for the record, that blonde that Harry is dating? She's from Zimbabwe, you know.)
As with any marriage of someone in the British royal family, it must be asked: Just how closely related are Prince William and Kate Middleton?
—Channing, via Facebook
Oh, you cheeky, scandal-hungry monkey. They are, technically, 12th cousins, once removed, by way of an ancestor named Sir Thomas Leighton.
That coach looked familiar. Does the family loan it out to foreign royals or something?
—Bosun28, via the inbox
Dear Wiseass: It was the same carriage Diana rode in during her wedding to Prince William's father in 1981.
Why did William choose to wear his red uniform and not the other one?
—F.S., via the inbox
It was an interesting choice; William could have opted for his Royal Air Force uniform, but instead selected the scarlet that symbolizes the Irish Guards Mounted Officers. Two working theories are floating around at this hour: that William chose the uniform as a tribute to a battalion that recently returned from a tour in Afghanistan, or that the royal family wanted to demonstrate unity with Ireland ahead of a state visit to that country next month.
What was that medal that David Beckham was wearing? Does he have a royal title?
—Sensi, via the inbox
He may be a king of the soccer pitch, but that's about it. That medal did come from the queen, though; it's called an O.B.E., or Order of the British Empire. It's awarded for service to Britain in a noncombatant capacity.
Why did they get married at Westminster Abbey? Didn't his mom get married somewhere bigger?
_Royalz, via the inbox
William's Dad had a wedding that doubled as a formal state occasion. That meant more guests—1,600 more guests, to be exact. And St. Paul's is big enough to house 3,900 people. And their hats.
How much control did Kate have over what dress she wore?
—Dominick J.C., via Facebook
The palace reportedly urged Kate to choose a British designer—which she did—but other than that, the choice of McQueen was said to be all her.
What is Kate's last name now?
—Flighty, via the inbox
Because she now royalty with a title, she will now officially go without a last name, aka Catherine Duchess of Cambridge. But, technically, the last name of her husband's family is Mountbatten-Windsor. (At work, William and Harry simply go by "Wales.")
Why were there trees in the abbey?
—Kim H. Francis, via Facebook
They were part of the royal wedding flowers, darling. For the record, they were 20-foot-high English field maples. Now that the ceremony is over, they will be planted at Charles's estate at Highgrove.
Who were the page boys and little girls?
—Jennifer H.S., via Facebook
They were: William's cousin, Lady Louise Windsor (7); his second cousin, Margarita Armstrong-Jones (8), Billy Lowther-Pinkerton, the son of William's private secretary, Jamie Lowther-Pinkerton (10); Eliza Lopes, the Duchess of Cornwall's granddaughter (3); and the prince's godson, Tom Pettifer. The cute little grumpy one was 3-year-old Grace Van Cutsem, a goddaughter of the prince.