After managing to lie low in the Canadian wilds for the past few months, Randy is proving that the consummate mad genius has lost neither his madness nor his genius and has floated one whopper of a business proposal to his old pal Charlie: let Quaid be his opening act on tour.
We know what you're thinking: If ever there was a no-brainer, surely this is it. Right? But has Charlie actually booked Randy to join him on the road? Someone get the bail money ready, because this rumor is...
"We're not going to be having any opening acts on the Charlie Sheen engagement," Sheen's rep, Larry Solters, told E! News.
"The tour is proceeding wonderfully, and there are no plans to have an opening act or have Randy participating."
Dang. But sounds like we're not the only ones who should've braced ourselves for disappointment.
"I think it'd be a hoot," Quaid told Canada's Globe and Mail this week while first floating his screwball proposition.
Well, that would've been one word for it.
Not to mention, would've been a nice way to get the old team back together, as the duo costarred together on less than three separate occasions, in Major League II, No Man's Land and The Wraith.
"It's apropos to his situation, and apropos to my situation," the current Vancouver denizen told the paper.
As for his act, Quaid had his heart set on performing two songs onstage, a so-described Johnny Cash-esque ballad, "Will We Be Together Then," and a far more rowdy tune titled—wait for it—"Star Whackers."
On the latter song, he was hoping Sheen would join him as a backup singer onstage.
"That'd be great: have Charlie come out [and sing], 'I'm talking about Whackers!' "
Unfortunately, that tour bus can only hold so much crazy.
—Reporting by Ken Baker