BRAND NEW ON E!
It didn't get much more beautiful than Elizabeth Taylor in her heyday.
The pall cast by the loss of the Hollywood icon—really too soon, at only 79—definitely shadowed the rest of the week, as we came to the conclusion that Taylor's brand of glamour is of a bygone era that doesn't look to be reappearing anytime soon, now that so many celebs only care whether they're #winning or not.
And, sometimes, when they think they might be fighting a losing battle, they rip off their shirts and throw chairs at windows.
END OF AN ERA: Elizabeth Taylor (1932-2011) was one of the last great stars from a golden age that ended long ago. From playing an ill-fated orphan in Jane Eyre to voicing the one word that Maggie Simpson ever said, Taylor stood out in everything that she did—on the screen and in life. Between the eight marriages (two to reputed love of her life Richard Burton) and the health problems that plagues her throughout the last third of her life, Taylor seemed both older than her actual age of 79 and yet somehow immortal, as if someone with that much life under her diamond-encrusted belt could do nothing but keep on living. Alas, that's never the case. She has since been laid to rest at Forest Lawn in the Great Mausoleum, not far from close friend Michael Jackson, with only family and a handful of friends—Colin Farrell, anyone?—invited to attend (and in Farrell's case, participate in) the private service.
RUDE BOY: When Chris Brown is ready to act like an adult, we'll treat him like one. Until then, we're content to react to him being the rage-filled, petulant child he so insists he isn't, though always after he's pulled some stunt, like his stomp-and-window-smash at Good Morning America after Robin Roberts dared to ask him about Rihanna. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall during those court-ordered anger-management sessions... Anyway, Brown later apologized for reacting like such a baby (though we'd wager almost anything that he still feels he was tricked or otherwise wronged) and GMA would actually like to have him back, even though they no longer have the exclusive on what F.A.M.E. can do to people. (And while she insists one has nothing to do with the other, Brown's publicist is no longer with him, effective immediately.)
STAR-CROSSED: Holy sequins! After the last season of Dancing With the Stars wore us out and kind of soured us on the whole show, the ABC hit came roaring back Monday with a line-up that actually entertained from start to finish. Ralph Macchio, who somehow is 49, fox-trotted with a vengeance and ended up with a 24, which is about as good as it gets for night one. And how about Kirstie Alley, who at 60 is 60 times sexier than 19-year-old Bristol Palin ever was?! She silenced all the doubters with her debut cha-cha...except one. Maybe we just hadn't watched him in well, like, ever, but when did George Lopez get so mean?! In dissing a number of the DWTS contestants (he must still have a grudge against ABC for canceling his sitcom eons ago), he really went low in comparing Alley to the squealing piggy in the GEICO commercial. She dealt it right back on Twitter and he apologized, but she's having none of it and will not rest until she's holding his still-beating heart in her hand. Though his one functioning kidney will do, too.
THE GOODBYE GUY: The American Idol judges spent their one save of the season on Casey Abrams, who, when he wasn't even in the bottom three last week after butchering Nirvana (it apparently had a rejuvenating effect on Fergie, however), we figured was going to sail all the way to the final three, no problem. But somehow, perhaps in objection to his wolfman 'do on Wednesday, he ended up dead last in the voting. When Randy Jackson stopped Casey mid-song and the judges informed him that they had no intention of letting him leave, the 20-year-old looked like he was about to upchuck out of surprise and relief. We're glad he's sticking around, and we hope the shock 'n' awe doesn't irritate his already tender stomach.
CRAZY LIKE A FOX: Free to move about at will, Charlie Sheen used Jimmy Kimmel Live as his jumping off point for lord-knows-what, popping up during guest Mark Cuban's segment to throw out T-shirts stamped with Sheenisms and toy with Jimmy about what a mug with foxes on it might mean as far as Charlie's future on TV is concerned. Hmm... Apparently his would-be book agent was only pretending to be privy to the inner sanctum. And though Charlie hasn't said much about his parents lately, dad Martin Sheen shared his thoughts on his son's sitch and mom Janet proved that can be a real grizzly when her cub is dissed by a predator like Donald Trump. Maybe the apple didn't fall that far from the tree, roll off into the bushes and get eaten by a bear after all.
WEDDING BELLS: Reese Witherspoon has been prepping all week and she should be Mrs. Jim Toth by Saturday night.
BABY TALK: Rachel Zoe and hubby Rodger Berman welcomed son Skyler Morrison...Tom Colicchio has three sons to his name now...Mel B thanked all the Spices except Posh after revealing she was expecting her third child, and first with hubby Stephen Belafonte.
KEEPING UP: Get better acquainted with Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom...Kendall Jenner is pretty in prom dresses...Kim Kardashian isn't relocating for Kris Humphries just yet...Rob Kardashian will be fine after undergoing an emergency appendectomy.
BUCKINGHAM BALLAST: Katy Perry has considered sneaking into the royal wedding (though she can always download it later).
PUTTING THE E! IN RUDE!: Zooey Dechanel took offense with our offense when we questioned why Rimmel London airbrushed the crap out of the adorable indie-film darling. We didn't think the thing that was wrong with your face was your doing, sweetie!
RUMOR PATROL: Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen are still chugging along...Is Ryan Seacrest helping Rebecca Black get her recording career off the ground?...Looks like a possible Bobbi Kristina Brown show is not a reality...Did Whoopi Goldberg look high to you during the 1991 Oscars?...Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard aren't married yet...Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler are Playing the Field together but not having dinner...Crystal Harris cheating on Hugh Hefner? Please...Here's some pertinent info about the 22-year-old Tiger Woods is dating...Wyclef Jean's hand really was hit with a bullet...LeAnn Rimes and her fiancé's often still seething ex-wife, Brandi Glanville, announced a truce via Twitter.
ANSWER ME: Ellen DeGeneres wouldn't let Selena Gomez off the relationship hook, picking up right where they left off during their last interview six months ago, with, "He'ls like your little brother?" Yup, that's what Selena said about Justin Bieber last time.
GOING THE DISTANCE: Lindsay Lohan has turned down a plea deal and is willing to face a trial to decide her felony theft case. Hey, if she doesn't feel she did anything wrong, she should fight it out. What she should not do, however, is start going by Lindsay. As in, just Lindsay...Michael Lohan, meanwhile, is on his own.
LAW & DISORDER: North Carolina prosecutors are investigating Teen Mom 2's Jenelle Evans for possibly overdoing it in the catfighting arena. She and ex Kieffer Delp are no longer accusing each other of assault, at least...Another mixed-up Miley Cyrus fan arrested for trying to get too close (like, neighbor's-yard close)...Security was forced to deal with, but cops did not arrest, Vince Neil after he went ballistic at the Las Vegas Hilton... Alleged Ivanka Trump stalker amps up the case against him...Boardwalk Empire arm candy Paz de la Huerta busted for bar brawl...Howard Stern's agent and production company are taking Sirius XM to court over the self-proclaimed King of All Media's stock compensation...Ja Rule probably tacked on time to his current prison stint by pleading guilty to letting his obligation to file tax returns slip his mind...NFL Hall of Famer and registered sex offender Lawrence Taylor was sentenced to probation as per his rape case plea deal...Pawn Stars' Corey "Big Hoss" Harrison busted after a bar fight.
HEALTH SCARES: Zsa Zsa Gabor, 94, was hospitalized with high blood pressure, reportedly upset by news of the death of Elizabeth Taylor...Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark actress T.V. Carpio is sidelined for at least two weeks with a neck injury suffered onstage...Brad Womack called 911 when he saw a person at a park near his house having a panic attack.
TV LAND: Kate Winslet helped make things comfortable for naked Evan Rachel Wood on the Mildred Pierce set...The end of the Oprah era is May 25...Fringe will be back for a fourth season!...Big Love ended its five-season run with a bang...Saturday Night Live afterthought Victoria Jackson has a misguided problem with Glee...Johnny Depp will guest star on Ricky Gervais' new series...Peep the Grey's Anatomy musical event...Sneak a peek at Will Ferrell on The Office...Behind the scenes of HBO's Treme...Jeremy Piven is just the latest actor to have no idea that he's in the running to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men...Aflac has kicked off its search for a duck replacement...SPOILER ZONE!
MUSICAL NOTES: Miley Cyrus is ready to tour and tweet...Demi Lovato is back to work, maybe singing?...A public viewing took place Friday and Nate Dogg's funeral, expected to be lit up by various rap-world luminaries, is scheduled for today..."Born This Way" somehow evolved into a country tune...Lady Gaga supports the potential superstardom of Rebecca Black when she's not busy penning songs for Jennifer Lopez...Madonna's Raising Malawi foundation has soiled itself and now must regroup and come up with a new plan...Christina Aguilera has joined the Twitterverse...Ke$ha postponed her Japan plans, but Ne-Yo and Cyndi Lauper soldiered on...Sammy Hagar recounts his experience with extraterrestrials other than David Lee Roth.
SCREEN PLAY: So just how much dancing did Oscar winner Natalie Portman actually do in Black Swan?...Jim Carrey brings Mr. Popper's Penguins to life...Chris Evans is as ripped as the day is long in Captain America...Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is looking stranger yet...Robert De Niro chuckles about Little Fockers...Rupert Grint shares a thought in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows bonus footage...Production on The Hobbit has begun, but Saoirse Ronin isn't a sure thing yet...More suppositions about The Dark Knight Rises...The Amazing Spider-Man is already amazing enough in theory for a sequel...Sucker Punch vs. Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
SURREAL ESTATE: Elin Nordegren should have plenty of room to go on with her life in this $12.2 million spread in North Palm Beach, Fla....John Krasinski parting with his West Hollywood single-man pad for $945,000...Neil Patrick Harris and partner David Burtka trying to hand off their Studio City home for $1.59 million.
COVERAGE: Reese helps Robert Pattinson move past this Twilight "thing" for EW...50 Cent raves about Chelsea Handler to Vibe...Teen Mom 2's Leah and Corey show off their wedding pics in Us Weekly...Kate Walsh laments her self-appointed "loser" status in More.
SEEN: Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and all six kids going shopping in New Orleans...Mel Gibson and Robert Downey Jr. grabbing lunch together at an Irvine, Calif., In-N-Out Burger...Friends Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn dining with other friends at Cecconi's in West Hollywood...Newly single Ashley Greene not playing coy with Chris Evans at Trousdale in West Hollywood...Aretha Franklin getting a standing-O at Madison Square Garden during a Knicks game...Anne Hathaway getting the jump on E! at the Rio premiere in Rio de Janeiro...Taylor Momsen braving the Paris chill in more clothes than usual...Katie Holmes hosting the premiere party for her short film The Decision at Lavo in NYC...Chris Brown performing like he's the only boy in the world at his album release party at NYC's Webster Hall...Sienna Miller feeding R.Pattz pal Tom Sturridge noodles, dumplings and smooches at a London restaurant...Chord Overstreet showing off his situation on a rooftop for a Christian Rios photo shoot...Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore wearing their Purim costumes to NYC hotspot Avenue...Renée Zellweger bundling up for a walk but dressing to kill for a pal's birthday party at La Esquina in NYC...Stephanie Seymour sizzling on the beach in St. Barts.