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    Bitch-Back! Could The Office's Cutsey Nerd Actually Be a Dirty Boy?

    Emily Blunt, John Krasinski Flynet

    Dear Ted:
    I'm pretty sure you've mentioned John Krasinski and Emily Blunt in your blolumn. Help me remember though, as a couple or individually? Do the two engage in any Vice-worthy behavior? Is this a true romance or a fauxmance?
    Sunshine

    Dear Vicing Behind the Desk:
    Married couples are the best of Vices. But John and Ems aren't as dirty as we all wish they would be. Even though I bet that sexy accent of hers totally turns him on in the bedroom, we want more, obviously. Emily seems like a doll, and this romance is real. Granted, the two don't really seem to go together, but sometimes that opposites attract crap does actually work. That said, it will work even better when they start Vicing it up to spice up their married life. Maybe that's what they've been working on since they're hardly ever seen out together?

    Dear Ted:
    Is Miley Cyrus Me-Me Dallas? Is King Schlong David Beckham? Just throwing some guesses out there! My pups say hi!
    —lcm_1972

    TWITTER: Follow Ted

    Dear Vicey Guesstamator:
    Those are some buh-rilliant guesses, doll! Especially David for Schlong. It's too bad we all know he's overcompensating. Kisses to your pooches!

    Dear Ted:
    Are Strippa Rip-Ya and Caesar Anchovy Arse Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon?
    —1234

    Dear Right Tree:
    Totally opposite branch, though. But you're getting there. Think more compatible than those two randos.

    Dear Ted:
    What has Chris Pine been up to these days?. Is he still dating Laura Vandervoort, and what movies does he have coming up? He used to be everywhere and would even brag about how well endowed he was in interviews and now you don't hear anything from him.
    Dollie

    Dear Well-Endowed Down There:
    Have to say, he's a total babe. Recently, he's been discussing Star Trek 2, and the new love interest Kirk will be landing. We're sure he's over the moon about it since he loves romancing the ladies, especially costars. Chris and Laura are rumored to be dating, and surprise are starring together in his new movie, This Means War. The stud has been tied to a bunch of pretty females like Audrina Patridge and Olivia Munn, but doesn't ever seem to get too serious. What a shame! He'd make some beautiful babies.

    Dear Ted:
    You should do some research on Josh Hutcherson and Vanessa Hudgens. I have a feeling a lot of flirting went on between them and some feelings were developed, which may have led to the Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens breakup.
    —janem106

    Dear Snooping:
    V insists she isn't dating Hutcherson, so sorry ‘bout it. She even spilled to Ellen DeGeneres that she and Hutcherson, who are costars in Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, are just friends. Vanessa seems to be all about having boys that are friends, and no more. Let the girl play the field. You know she'll do it smashingly.

    Dear Ted:
    Loved your piece on the late Elizabeth Taylor. I don't think anyone can do her Cleo justice, and (don't shoot) definitely not Angelina Jolie. Someone younger, fresher and equally as gorgeous? Mila Kunis! Can't you see it?
    J

    Dear Debating Over the Dame:
    Love it, and Mila, but she's too young for this role. As hard as it is for me to admit, Angie's not exactly a bad choice for the role of Cleopatra. I mean, she is no Elizabeth Taylor, but she's one feisty woman and just the dark beauty Sony Pictures is looking for. But then again, Mila was one freak of a swan, so maybe she could hang with the best of them?

    Dear Ted:
    I adore Nicki Minaj. I think she's so refreshing for the hip-hop world. Can you give us any dirt on her?
    R

    Dear Minaj Ferosh:
    She's amazing to say the least—the Lady Gaga of the hip-hop world for sure. Last time we talked to her she spilled about how fabulous it would be to have a gay rapper. Plus, she's doing big things with big people. If she did have dirt it wouldn't add up to the fierce lines she drops in her songs.

    Dear Ted:
    What's the word on She-Devil Dees lately? I heard that she and her hot TV star guy aren't so serious after all and her career has taken a turn for the worse.
    micha010

    Dear Doubting the Devil:
    She-Devil knows just how to prance around with those Dees. She hasn't lost it completely, yet. Plus, you know she has a few TV star dudes up her sleeve. So, when one fails, don't worry, the next victim will follow.  

    Dear Ted:
    The King Schlong Blind Vice has us stumped...just throwing a guess out there. Chris Pine?
    —julesc2010

    Dear Stuck in Stumpedland:
    Nope, not Pine. I mean, don't you think the fact that he brags about his situation makes it a little suspicious? Schlong doesn't do interviews about what he's packing. He just knows. And that's enough for him and those lucky gals...and guys.

    Dear Ted:
    I've loved James Franco since his Freaks and Geeks days, but I'm a bit worried about him. Everyone knows he's been crazy busy with going to school and the five movie projects he's working on this year. I thought the awkward Oscars might have been just nerves, but ever since then he seems frazzled every time we see him. What's the deal with him lately? Does his Vice have anything to do with it?
    —jade_blossom

    Dear Fretting About Franco:
    You're right, doll, James has got more than a full load right now, but that's his choice. His flop at the Oscars was, to say the least, uncalled for and ridiculous. There comes a time for prioritizing, and Franco fails in that department. Maybe he should stick to school for a bit. Flying under the radar and holding off on the tweet graffiti, would be a smart decision. Oh, and his Vice has everything to do with it, I'm sure.

    Dear Ted:
    It is my rescue cat's 14th birthday today, and all she wants for a present is for you to tell her whether Coco Crack-Head has any children! Meow!
    Buffy

    Dear Kidlets for Coco:
    Nope, kitty! She's not a mother, or even close to being one yet. Good thing, too. Happy birthday, by the way!

    Dear Ted:
    How's our fave Blind Vice, Toothy Tile, doing lately? A little birdie told me he's looking to get out of acting to become a director. Any truth?
    Jeanne

    Dear Toothy Behind the Camera:
    Wouldn't surprise me if he was seriously considering directing. Tooth loves attention, and directing will provide him with more outlets to search for that special someone. Of course, he'll try to be secretive about it. Maybe he thinks behind-the-scenes work will call for more privacy after hours with hot movie stars? Get it, Tooth!

    Dear Ted:
    Does Shia LaBeouf have a Blind Vice?
    —lesfin

    Dear Salacious Shia:
    Um, duh. You must be kidding? With all that latent anger, he's got to unleash it somewhere or somehow. And he does, impressively.

    READ: More of the juciest answers in the Bitch-Back section!

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