The remaining whole man on Two and a Half Men returned to Conan tonight to address Charlie Sheen's various slams against him, including the now-infamous "troll" comment Sheen made to E! News on Tuesday.
"The fact is, I am a troll," the Emmy winner admitted. "It's not something I like to talk about. My parents don't even know."
Which, of course, is why Cryer hasn't responded to either Sheen's firing or to being called a traitorous turncoat by his former costar (for which Sheen has since semi-apologized).
"It turns out there's not a lot of tolerance for people like me, especially in Hollywood," Cryer added. "You don't know how much time and money I've spent on electrolysis and hair dye and reconstructive surgery so that I can look like this."
We wonder if Chuck Lorre has had to do the same. Sheen, when asked the day after he was fired if Cryer had called him yet, told E! News, "Like I said: You're with me, or you're with the trolls.
"Clearly he's a troll," Sheen continued. "He issued a statement. Is it gonna take me calling him a 'traitor, juvenile and scared' for him to get it?" (Cryer actually has not issued a statement, his rep's only comment being that there would be no comment.)
In addition to his Conan bit, Cryer has already answered phones for Ellen in a bid to keep people laughing with him (and not at him, like some folks are doing), and shows no signs of changing his approach anytime soon.
He even outed some of the other trolls in Hollywood, including Paul Giamatti (wha?), Helen Mirren (gasp) and Andy Richter."
"You son of a bitch," Conan O'Brien's sidekick muttered under his breath.
(Originally published March 10, 2011, at 8 p.m. PT)