Tonight, Glee was spelled S-E-X. And wow, did we get our educational fix for the week. Or the month. OK, we'll be thinking about this episode for a looong time. And not just for the steamy song and dance numbers.
Just when you thought you knew where "Sexy" was going tonight, it jumped off track and went down another road. We'll head down as many paths as possible to make sure you Gleeks didn't miss a beat. Plus, we've got some intel on the big Regionals episode next week...
WHAT WE LEARNED
That Was a Holly Holiday Sex Riot: Instead of making sure the kids of New Directions got the sex education they needed, Holly went a different route and straight up seduced the room—and Will Schuester, who I'm hoping was drooling over the blond teacher of legal age and not Brittany and Santana's hot ‘n' nasty dance moves. Also, why was everyone in Holly's exercise class dressed like they were working out in the '80s?
Sue's Evil Doings Intensified: She actually went to a Dalton hangout for info, and we all know some of the best Glee scenes come from New Directions proving Sue wrong. Think about the pilot episode with Sue watching "Don't Stop Believing" in the wings, and try not to get goosebumps. Go on, I dare ya! Anyway, Sue's coffee-shop smack talk was enough to scare Blaine right into a Neon Trees number. Not sure if the Warblers sold their sexy to their sister school (maybe we'll see their glee club soon), but who doesn't love an impromptu foam dance? Silly, but disappointing that it didn't lead to a soaking wet Darren Criss. C'mon, Ryan Murphy! It was the perfect setup!
Brittana Fans Got What They Wanted: Finally, the in-depth look into Brittany and Santana's rocky relationship that we've all been waiting for—and not just for comedic reasons or for girl-on-girl action. Brittany and Santana were able to talk (and sing) about their confusing feelings, feelings that only get more confusing during high school, so "Landslide" hit every mark. Naya Rivera and Heather Morris knocked it out of the park in this episode. Unfortunately, not the outcome Brittana fans wanted. Heartbreaking on all accounts. That hallway scene gave me my favorite line of the episode, marked in the "one-liners" section with an asterisk.
Emma Still Has Her V-Card: But more importantly, Emma couldn't give a straight answer to the big question: Does she still have feelings for Will Schuester? Wemma fans, I hear you freaking out. Please settle down, people are concerned. Kidding! Go nuts, we've got some progress!
Schue Got Supersexy: Who knew Matt Morrison could get his voice up that high? That "Kiss" number certainly had some heat. Even if the best seduction moves from Mr. Schue wasn't enough to convince Holly to take it to the next level. Until the end, that is. Nothing like Emma having the hots for Will to spark a relationship. Psh. Yeah, this pairing has "long-term" written all over it.
Mixing and Matching Is Good: Sue, Blaine, and Kurt. Carl and Holly. Blaine and Burt. Unexpected pairings make an ensemble show truly exceptional, and that Burt and Blaine scene was poignant, simple and surprisingly eye-opening. Plus, that scene led to another awesome Burt-Kurt confrontation, which let's face it, is always awesome. In fact, it might be time to invent a new descriptive word for Mike O'Malley and Chris Colfer scenes. Fantastical!
Sam Wants More Artie: The moment was subtle, but it got my wheels turning. Sam admitting he wished he and Artie were close like their girlfriends might have been an innocent attempt at forging a deeper friendship. But if I know Glee (and I do), there is something more to that little Sam and Artie moment. It wasn't that long ago when everyone thought Sam was the gay character who was coming aboard to woo Kurt. Did I set off any speculation alarms? Or am I completely on my own on this one?
Celibacy Club Returns: What happened to the other 15 members from season one? Never mind. Let's focus on how Quinn and Finn continue to do…whatever it is they're doing. The hickey! The prom king-queen campaign! The sneaking around! Just when Rachel might have been moving forward and focusing on becoming the star that she is, this Quinn-Finn debacle is very likely to cause some derailment for Ms. Berry.
Rewind Alert: Artie's face during "Afternoon Delight" was my unexpected crack-up moment of the episode. What was yours?
"It's just like hugging, only wetter." —Holly
"Breakfast is confusing to you." —Santana
"If I wanna watch Kim Kardashian be classy, I'll watch E!" —Puck (uh, thanks for the shout out?)
"My lips are sealed. Just like your legs." —Holly
"Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter." —Burt
"We're cuddle monsters." —Carl
"I am so yours. Proudly so." —Brittany*
WHAT LIES AHEAD
Reg-ion-nals: That was me attempting to start a chant for next week's episode, which will surely be one of the highlights of this season. I can tell you that fanbases from these couplings will be happy with the goings-on in "Original Song": Quinn-Rachel, Quinn-Finn, Kurt-Blaine, and Sue-Will. There will be low points, and then there will be even lower points. But I promise some amazing high points as well.
The Death Heard Round the World: And by world, I mean the Glee fandom. By now you know a character is biting it during the Regionals episode, and the impact will be major. And if this is the first time you're hearing that bit of scoop, surprise? I've seen some of you making guesses in previous Glee-Dux comments, and I can tell you some have definitely guessed correctly. Others are wayyy off.
Quinn for Prom Queen: This storyline is not going away, I'm afraid. Quinn is dead set on ruling the school, and she thinks prom is the time and place to do it. She's also dead set on making Finn her king, but he won't be easily roped in to that circus. Perhaps a certain ex-girlfriend with a golden voice has something to do with his hesitation?
Kurt and Blaine Find Their Footing: What I mean by that is, Kurt gets the confidence to perform a rocking solo, and Blaine is involved with quite a game-changing plot point. As for Blaine and Kurt the maybe-maybe not couple...we get a moment during Regionals that could put some air back in our Klaine hope tires.
A Dream Judging Panel: Come for the singing, stay for the guest stars. Kathy Griffin and Loretta Devine are, not shockingly at all, a wonderful part of this episode. Add Sue Sylvester being her awesome evil self, and we've got a real Glee party. I'll bring the Pringles.
What did you think of "Sexy" tonight? Who else was relieved that Puck and Lauren didn't go through with the sex tape? Child pornography is not something we want from our Glee kids. Let's roll down to the comments and start a sex riot together!
(Originally published March 8, 2011, at 7:40 p.m. PT)